The kiss is sweet and tender. It’s a soft press of lips, made no less intense for how brief it is.
Brief because, despite the fact that my heart is racing and every nerve in my body is on fire, a terrible realization still makes its way into my mind. Like reality’s icy breath on the back of my neck.
I pull away. “We can’t.”
Rose blinks in surprise. Her lips are still parted, and it seems to take a moment to register what I’m saying. When she does, the hurt in her eyes is enough to make me turn away. “Why? Because of Sol?”
I nod.
“Seriously?” she says, the word hissing as she tries her best to keep her voice to a whisper. “Do his stupid rules mean that much to you?”
“Of course they do,” I snap. “He’s done everything for me,Rose. He took me in when I had nowhere else to go. He’s helped me cope with so much, and … and I’ve repaid him by breaking his trust and lying to him.”
“So? He’s lying to you, too. His name isn’t even Sol.”
I lift my head to look at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”
Rose grimaces before cutting her eyes away from me. She doesn’t answer.
“What do you mean he’s lying to me?”
She lets out a long breath, her eyes looking toward the ceiling as the silence thickens.
“Rose?”
“I’m just going to be honest, because I don’t wanna lie to you.” She turns her head to face me again, moonlight spilling across the curved plane of her pale cheek. “The day you caught me sneaking out of his room …” She drops her voice so low that I have to scoot closer to hear her. “I found his ID. His real name is Marshall Solomon. He’s thirty-six years old and from Connecticut.”
My jaw drops. “You stole his ID?”
“Yeah.” She doesn’t sound the least bit ashamed. “I wanted to know what his deal is.”
“I—Okay. He hasn’t really lied about any of that, so I’m not sure what—”
“I googled him at the library,” Rose continues. “When I ran off that day, that’s where I went. He’s not a good guy, Iris.”
“Stop.”
“There’s a warrant for his arrest. He got into big money trouble when he worked in finance.”
“Stop, Rose. I don’t wanna hear this.”
“He stole a ton of money from his clients and just took off. I’m sure that’s why he got so upset when the cops showed up.”
“Stop!”
My voice cracks like a whip in the quiet attic. Rose and I both stiffen, waiting. From the bed, Poppy stops snoring. We stay quiet as she mumbles something and rolls over. It takes several minutes before she’s breathing slowly again.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I just …” But I trail off. Because I’m not sure what to say right now.
Rose looks at me, chin tilted defiantly upward. “I don’t like him, Iris. I don’t trust him. I think he’s manipulative and taking advantage of all of us.”
Two sides wage war in my mind when she tells me all this. Partof me is desperate to defend Sol. So what if he messed up some rich people’s finances? Money is all pointless anyway. Maybe he gave that money to people who actually needed it. But part of me wants to agree with Rose, just to keep her from leaving.
I remember the other night, admitting to Rose that I still don’t know who I am. So much of my life for the past year and a half has been trying to fit into a mold shaped by someone else. I don’t know what I really want or what I feel. Aside from a deep, creeping fear that the two people I care for most are going to tear my heart in half.
“He saved me, Rose,” I whisper. “He saved you, too. He saved us all. He gave us a place when no one else would. He gave us a home when we had nowhere. He—”
“I know. He makes sure to remind us all of that at every turn. And I’m grateful, I am, but … maybe it’s less out of kindness that he’s doing this and more that we were vulnerable.”
