I let my hand relax in his, comforted by the security of the warm, callused skin. I trust him. If he thinks I can handle this on my own, I can. “Okay.”
“Any other questions?”
“Just … just one,” I say, thinking back to my chat with Lily outside and how serious she got when I brought up the possibility of failure. “What, um, what happens if I don’t complete the trials? If I mess up?”
Much like Lily, Sol’s expression goes dark at the question. Seeing his warmth chill makes me tense up, the calm I’d started to feel a moment ago ebbing away as quickly as it came.
“Iris,”he says, his voice almost unnervingly gentle, “theonlyway you will fail these trials is if you refuse to do them. If you walk back all your progress in our Growth Sessions. I can promise you that as long as you trust me and remember everything we’ve worked on together, you’ll succeed.”
“But what if Idofail?” I press. “What if I find a way to screw it up somehow?”
Sol sighs, running his free hand through his shoulder-length blond hair. “If you refuse to go through with a trial, then you won’t be able to stay here.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. I swallow, and I feel my hand go clammy in his. “I’d have to leave?” I ask as the fear and dread of being alone again creeps in like a cold wind.
“If you don’t trust me, if you give up on everything we’ve worked on,” Sol says, “then, yes. You would have to go. Because I won’t be able to help you anymore.”
I nod slowly.
“But, Iris …” His smile returns, and he squeezes my hand again. “You said yourself that you trust me. And you’ve come so far in this past year. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to succeed, just like Lily and Violet did before you. Right?”
“Right.”
If I can’t stay here, I have nowhere to go. No one else who cares for me the way the people here do. Despite what Sol says about me being strong and independent, I don’t want to be alone out there again.
So I know with absolute certainty that failure is not an option.
He releases my hand before tucking some strands of hair behind my ear with a paternal smile. “You’ve grown up so much in this past year,” he says. “I’m already proud of you.”
And despite my worry, those words light a warm fire in my chest.
A few minutes later, I’m on my way out the door to return to my afternoon chores when Sol stops me. “Wait,” he says. “One more thing—I almost forgot.”
I pause with my hand on the doorknob and look back at him, still sitting on his bed. “Yeah?”
“Unrelated to the trials,” he says. “I’ve never had to bring this up before, but I wanted to make sure you understand that there’s no dating allowed in the house.”
I blink at him. Once. Twice. It takes a second for his words to register. “Oh …”
“Iknow it’s close quarters. There’s probably some temptation there. And now that there are more of you, there might be others who’d be interested in you. And who could blame them? You’re a gorgeous girl. All of you are. But—”
“I get it,” I say quickly.
I mean, I don’t. Not entirely. But I find that I’m suddenly desperate for this conversation to end.
“It would be a big distraction,” he continues matter-of-factly. “You’re all going through a lot. You’re at different stages of your growth. It would get unnecessarily complicated. Plus, you’re meant to be a family here. Sisters. It just wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Uh-huh.” My hand tightens on the knob as my cheeks start to burn, thinking of the way he looked the other night when he found Rose and me in front of the fire. It makes sense now, and yet it’s also somehow so much more embarrassing. “No, that’s fair. No dating. Not that I was going to or anything. Just— Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
“Absolutely,” I say. “I’m gonna go get back to work now.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you at dinner, Iris.”
“Yep.”
Ibolt from the room.
