“No.”
“Are you?”
“No.”
“I ruined your visit.”
“You didn’t.”
She groaned, and a faint shine of wetness began to form around the edges of her eyes. “I’m a mess, Lee. You wanted us to write about the truth. This is my truth.”
“Eden …”
“Do you think the others are as messed up as me? I know Ashley’s not. Maybe Denny is. Or Kellie. I should ask her …” Her eyes had slid shut and her voice was fading, but I hadn’t missed those last words.
“You know how to get in touch with Kellie?” I asked.
“Mm-hmm.” She was nearly asleep now, her thoughts fading in and out mid-sentence. “Spoke at her college … saw her …”
The door opened then and the sudden noise made me jump. But it was just Misty, dressed in gray sweatpants and an oversized white T-shirt with a towel wrapped around her head and a shower caddy tucked under her arm.
When I looked back at Eden, she was sound asleep again. I screwed the cap back onto the water bottle and left it next to her on the bedside table. The smell from the wastebasket was becoming overwhelming. I bent down and pulled up the edges of the bag and tied it up as tight as I could.
“Is there a garbage chute or something?” I asked Misty.
Misty glanced over at me and sighed. “I’ll take it.”
“No. I can do it.” I had the feeling Misty had been tasked with dealing with vomit more than once recently. “I just need to know where—”
But Misty had walked over and taken the bag from my hands. “The closest trash can is in the bathroom, and I need to go back in there anyway. I forgot my toothbrush, so …” She glanced over at Eden, sprawled on her bed, and I didn’t miss the look of exasperation on her face before she walked back out of the door.
I was on my way to my sleeping bag again when I noticed Eden’s cell phone. It was lying on the edge of her desk. It was hardnotto notice with its bright green case. Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed her phone and opened the home screen. She didn’t have a passcode set up, so I was able to go to her contacts without any trouble.
I scrolled through, hoping but not believing I’d find what I was looking for. When I got to theGs and found “Gaynor, Kellie,” I was so surprised and thrilled that I actually laughed.
There were footsteps in the hallway. I forwarded the contact to myself, dropped Eden’s phone back onto the desk, and ran across the tiny room. I was trying to convince myself that, even if she were sober, Eden would have shared the contact with me.
Except she hadn’t. She’d seen Kellie, been at her college, and she hadn’t told me. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to know. I definitely wasn’t supposed to have her contact info.
But I was doing something good. Trying to make things better. That made this all right. Kellie would be glad to hear from me when I told her about the letters.
Yes, I know. It felt flimsy even to me. But it was just enough to keep me from feeling sick with guilt.
The door opened just as I reached the other side of the room. I bent down and made to unzip my backpack as Misty stepped inside.
“Got my toothbrush,” she said, and I heard the lock click behind her. “And I’m heading to bed in a few minutes. I hope that’s okay?”
“Of course,” I said. “I was just changing into my pajamas.”
Once the lights were out and I was curled up inside my sleeping bag, I pulled out my phone and checked the contact I’d forwarded myself. I now had Kellie Gaynor’s phone number and email address. Finally.
But before I could even try to contact Kellie, I received the next letter.
Eden emailed me late Saturday night. I’d only gotten home from visiting her a couple hours earlier. We’d spent the morning just relaxing in her dorm. She worked onCalliopewhile I readEquus.We didn’t talk about the night before despite her obvious hangover.
So I was more than a little surprised when I received her email that night, and that was nothing compared to how I felt after reading it.
Dear Whoever,
