Brother Lloyd was the preacher at Virgil County Baptist. Even though I didn’t go to church there, I’d met him several times. He’d officiated Ashley’s wedding and spoken at the funerals of several of the shooting victims. Including Sarah’s.
He’d seemed like a nice enough guy, if a little pushy. Growing up, anytime he’d seen Sarah and me together, he’d tried very hard to convince me to join their congregation, something I know embarrassed Sarah, who’d made a point to never pressure me about church stuff. And even though I never did join their church, he was still very friendly whenever we crossed paths.
Somehow I didn’t think this was just a social call, though. He wanted to talk about Sarah, and I doubted we’d be in agreement during that conversation.
“You gonna call him?” Miles asked as we climbed into my truck.
“No. I think he just wants to talk about what I told the McHales.”
“Mm.”
“Speaking of,” I said as I turned the truck out of the parking lot. “Have you thought any more about that favor I asked you? About writing the letter?”
He sighed. “I dunno, Lee.”
“Come on,” I said. “Denny and Ashley have already done it. And Eden’s going to. Please.”
“No one wants to hear what I’ve got to say.”
“I do.”
He frowned and looked away, the conversation clearly over, whether I liked it or not. For the most part, Miles had gotten his anger under control. But I knew that old fury was still inside of him. If he was pushed too far, it might awaken. I wasn’t in the mood for an argument, so I let it go for the moment. We could come back to it later.
Wewouldcome back to it later.
Once we were parked in my driveway, I slid out of the truck and was halfway up the steps when Miles said my name. I turned back and saw him, still standing by my truck.
“Be careful,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. This Brother Lloyd dude and the McHales … just be careful, okay? Don’t get chased out of town or anything.”
“That’s not going to happen, Miles.”
And I was right. It didn’t happen. Not exactly. But still. Maybe I should’ve listened to him.
I didn’t find out what people were saying about Kellie Gaynor until the start of the summer, about a month and a half after the shooting.
I’d had Mom take me to visit Ashley in the hospital. She’d gotten my number from Sarah’s parents, and even though we hadn’t known each other well at the time, she’d sent me a message to see how I was doing. She was the one in the hospital, the one going through physical therapy and adjusting to her new wheelchair, but she was checking on me.
We’d texted back and forth for a few weeks. That’s when the text chain between the five of us had gotten started. Ashley was the one to bring us together. She’d been the one to reach out to all of us, to create a network for all of the survivors, so that we had a safe space to yell or vent or cry when no one else could handle what was going on in our heads.
All of the survivors but Kellie, of course.
I didn’t know why she’d been left out of the group at the time. I’d assumed it was because Ashley hadn’t found a way to get ahold of her number yet. Or maybe that’s just what I wanted to believe. I’d known people in town were angry with Kellie about something. I’d seen some of the harassment firsthand. But I was still very much in the dark about so many things that had happened during the shooting.
Or things peoplesaidhad happened.
It had been weeks before I’d even heard about the rumors regarding Sarah. Mom had worked hard to keep most of the gossip and news away from me. At the time I hated her for it, but I think I understand why now. It was just so much. It was everywhere and constant, and I was barely getting by as it was. I felt like I was always either sobbing or screaming, and the only times I felt any sense of calm were when I was with the others.
Which was why I wanted to visit Ashley. I’d had to beg Mom to take me. She hadn’t wanted to at first. She thought the hospital might be too much for me, and as much as I resented her for coddling me, she wasn’t wrong. Walking through those sterile halls, hearing coughing patients, crying families, it all just reminded me of inevitable death.
But, hey, what didn’t?
Mom dropped me off and went to run errands, promising she’d be back in exactly an hour. I found Ashley’s room with the help of a nurse. She was sitting in her wheelchair, dressed in some comfy-looking purple pajamas, and she’d just turned on the TV when I walked in. She turned and grinned at me when I tapped on the open door.
“Lee!” she said. “Come in, come in! Oh my gosh, you cut your hair!”
