He turns to face me. “Listen, Lexi—”
“What are you doing here?” I’ve finally found my voice and its harsh edge is shocking, even to my own ears.
Jake recoils. “I know I should have called first, but—”
“I haven’t heard from you in over a year. And now suddenly, you’re showing up at my door at two in the morning?”
Jake shuffles over to the sofa, collapsing onto it. Beneath the moonlight streaming through the windows, I notice his forehead is creased with exhaustion. He sighs as he stares down at the floor.
“I’m so sorry, Lexi. Really. I don’t even know what to say. I just… I screwed everything up.”
My body battles against conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I want to yank open my door, shove him through it, and tell him never to show his face here again. But there’s another feeling too. A tiny flutter of something long dormant stirring inside my stomach. Unable to decide what to do, I just stand there, gaping at him.
Jake is still staring at his feet, shoulders slumped. When he speaks again, his voice is strained.
“I had a fight with my manager tonight. I told him I was done, through with this whole thing. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this… thispuppet,just performing at will. So, I packed a bag, grabbed my guitar, and left. I didn’t even know where I was going; I just knew I couldn’t be there anymore. I went to the bar, had a few drinks. And I started asking myself: When was the last time you were happy? Like, really happy?”
Jakes drags his gaze upward to meet mine. “And the next thing I knew, I was standing outside your apartment building.”
My heart is hammering so loudly in my chest that I wonder if he can hear it. It’s everything I’ve wanted to hear for so long, and now that he’s saying the words, I have no idea how to feel. I look atJake—his expression so earnest, so full of longing. But I just can’t bring myself to give in.
A thought presses its way to the forefront of my brain, and I hear myself asking the one question that’s been haunting me for the past year.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
Jake is quiet for a long moment.
“Everything just happened so quickly. I was completely overwhelmed. I meant to call you; I really did. But I wanted to respect your wishes, and then after so much time had gone by, I didn’t even know what to say.”
There’s more to the story, something he’s not telling me. It’s evident in his restless hands, the way he’s furiously twisting the leather bracelets around his wrist. And I’m not sure what he means by “respect my wishes.” I’m not the one who stopped returning phone calls. But it’s late, and I’m too stunned by his arrival to unpack this any further right now.
I sink into the floral chair across from him, the one my mom always sat in after a long day of work. With any luck, it will help me absorb some of her wisdom. Mom would know just what to do. I, on the other hand, haven’t the slightest clue what to do next.
I dig my fingernails into my thigh and take a deep breath. “You hurt me.”
He nods, his brown eyes swimming with remorse. “I know.”
“What you did was shitty, Jake. I had no idea what happened to you until I saw you on the side of a fucking bus.”
Jake lets out a shaky exhale, burying his face in his hands.
“I know. I screwed up, and you have every right to hate me. I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. I’m so sorry. This was a mistake.” He puts his hand on his knees, starting to rise. And in that moment, I realize, despite the voices in my head warning me to be practical, and despite the fact that my chest positively aches at the sight of him, and despite the logic that dictates there’s no waythis reunion can possibly end well, I am not ready to let Jake Taylor walk out of my life again.
I cross the room to stand in front of him.
“Don’t go. You’ve been drinking and it’s the middle of the night.”
Jake looks up at me, his expression guarded. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. You can crash here tonight. We can talk more in the morning.” I don’t even know what I’m thinking at this point. All I know is what I’m feeling. My eyes roam over him, my heart squeezing as I take in his sad, exhausted face. Who is this person, and what happened to the boy who had fire in his eyes when he waved goodbye to me a year and a half ago?
“Thank you, Lexi.” Jake glances at the closed door of my guest room. “I’ll just pass out if that’s all right.” He lifts his duffel bag, tossing it over his shoulder as he starts walking toward the door. It’s only then that I remember Ali.
“Wait!” I whisper-hiss. He turns around, surprised. “I forgot… my friend is here. In the guest room.”
“Oh.” He turns and looks back toward the sofa. “No worries. I’ll just sleep out here then.”
I stare at him, taking in his slumped shoulders and swollen eyes.You can sleep with me,a small voice whispers in the back of my mind, but I push it away quickly.
