She shakes her head and presses her lips together.
“Talk to me, Rayne,” I say, struggling to get the words out. My pulse is racing, and a knot of helplessness and panic is forming in my stomach.
“I’ve been talking to you the whole time. I just can’t...” she shakes her head and takes a step backward. Away from me.
“What can’t you do?”
“Why can’t I stop thinking about that kiss?” she suddenly says. Her hands are clenched into fists, and her whole body is shaking. I don’t know if it’s from cold or anger. “Why can’t I stop thinking aboutyou? It drives me crazy, you know? You’re doing this to me, and I don’t want it. I don’t know what to do with all these damn feelings, Easton!”
Her words hurt.
I don’t want it.
“Do you think this is any fun for me, either?” For a moment I’m just as angry as she is. It’s a helpless fury, nothing that makes sense, but it’s there, and we’re both losing control. Too fast, too suddenly. “Do you think I’m any less confused than you are?”
She’s silent again, her chin jutting forward defiantly and an angry glare in her eyes. What are we doing? We shouldn’t be arguing. I have to stop and be stronger than the anger and frustration, stronger than this damn longing that pulls me to her like a magnet,again and again. But I’m not strong, and I keep talking. I can’t stop myself.
“I didn’t plan this! None of it. Certainly not the kiss. I didn’t know it would be like this when we finally met. I wish I could be the person you need. I wish I could just be your friend!”
“Then be my friend, damn it!” she yells. She moves toward me, too fast for me to react or dodge her, though I wouldn’t have done that anyway. She pushes against my chest so hard with both hands that I stumble backward.
“I can’t!” I shout back at her.
“Why not?” Her voice rings with the same desperation I hear in my own.
“Because I’m in love with you,” I blurt out, hoarse and desperate. She flinches, and I have to stop myself, but it’s too late. I can’t stop. I can’t go back. “I’m in love with you, and I didn’t plan it this way. I wanted to be your friend because that’s what you need me to be, but I can’t, because I can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and I want more, okay? I want to be with you all the time, Rayne.”
“You want...what?” She stares at me in disbelief, her big gray eyes going wide.
I take a step toward her. I have to end this now and tell her everything, because she deserves to know the truth, and I deserve to tell her.
I put both hands on either side of her face, needing to touch her. Her soft skin, her lips. Again and again, her lips.
“I want you. I wanted you from the very start. I just didn’t dare to let myself think about it because... damn it, you’re my best friend, but I wanted you even before we ever met. When you were still the girl I wrote endless messages to. I want you because youunderstand me and I understand you. Because you help bring out the best in me, because you believe in me, and because I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and how I—damn it, I wantyou, Rayne! Because I’m in love with you.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb. My heart is racing. I’ve destroyed our friendship, for good. There’s no way back, only forward. “What doyouwant?” I ask her.
Part 7Chorus
Chapter 32
Rayne
I’m Yours—Isabel LaRosa
“I wantyou, Rayne! Because I’m in love with you.” His voice is a hoarse whisper that makes my heart beat faster and sends shivers down my back.
My skin is glowing with heat, even though it’s freezing out here. But I hardly feel the cold. All I can feel is him. His hands on my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek.
“What doyouwant?” He gazes at me, and his eyes are an infinite blue.
We’re standing at the edge of an abyss, and I can’t run away anymore. Not now. There’s no point. I could lose Easton at any time, any day, regardless of whether we’re friends or... something more. There are a thousand ways I could lose him. I can’t run away from the what-ifs. Easton is here, standing in front of me. He’s the one holding me, gazing at me, making my heart beat out of time. He’s my best friend. He’s the one who makes me feel safe. He’smy home. He’s the one I want to see every day and talk to about everything.
All at once, everything is so simple.
So I jump.
“I want you,” I say, and then my lips find his. His lips on my mouth, his hands on my face, his warm skin against mine. Kissing Easton is like breathing. Once I start, I can’t stop.
It’s better than anything in the world. Better than the best song. Heisthe best song.
