I can’t. I just can’t, even though I want to. God, I want to kiss him so badly it hurts.
But what if we do? What then? We’re friends. Real friends. He’s not the only friend I have anymore, but he’s the one I don’t want to lose at any price. Losing him... I don’t think I could survive it. The risk is too great for the fleeting moment of a kiss. And I would lose him; there’s no question about it. Sooner or later, it would happen, because that’s what always happens.
I feel him pulling away. He clears his throat, and the sound hurts. “What do you want to write about?” he asks, his voice hoarse.
I need a few seconds to pull myself together. It takes a moment to recall why we’re sitting in the van in the first place, and why there’s a notebook and pen in my lap. But then I remember, and I answer him. We start working and ignore what almost happened. Neither of us mentions it, and after a while I wonder if I just imagined the whole thing. It’s possible. It’s probably best that way. Yes, I’m sure I just imagined it.
I wish I believed myself.
The first few minutes—or hours?—are a little awkward, a little weird. I can’t concentrate, can’t turn off my mind, even though that’s exactly what I want to do. It’s the whole reason we’re sitting here, after all. But then Easton starts talking, helping me sort out the chaos in my head, and everything gets easier.
I think of Mom and Dad, and of Easton, and the words flow out of me, unchecked. When I don’t know what to say or can’t find the right word, he finds it. It’s like he knew it all along.
Hours later when we’re done, we both know we’ve just written the song that Easton has been looking for all this time.
Dance with You ’Til Midnight
Performed by We Are No Saints
Written by Rayne Bellamy and Easton Coleman
Blinking little lights
Seems like a night sky right at my feet
I’ve been here a while
Wondering if once again we could meet
But when the bell is ringing
The door wide open shut
Hell, everything is changing
And pulls me into the dark
But I won’t turn back
I won’t give up
I’ll make it fucking right
Get lost in music
Lost in you
And dance with you ’til midnight
Forget to breathe
Forget to see
Forget my fucking name
I’m standing here
And hear the words
