Then trust yourself.
mockingbird:
I’ll still never be good enough.
eastcoleman:
Yes, you will. I believe it.
Chapter 17
Rayne
Older—Shallou, Daya
“What’s up with you and Easton, anyway?” Mae asks as we pack up our things after class. Fortunately, the most difficult part of our day is already over. It’s time for lunch.
“How long have you been wanting to ask Rayne that question?” Zoe asks, giving Mae an amused glance. I, on the other hand, turn red. After all, we’re not alone here. Jase and Skye are here too, and Jase is Easton’s friend. I can’t believe Mae is asking about this when he’s standing right next to us.
Jase is putting on his school hoodie, and when he pokes his head through, he’s looking straight at me. There’s an intense look in his green eyes. He nods at me, in silent reassurance that Easton won’t hear anything about the discussion from him. I’m grateful, but I still wish Mae hadn’t asked the question in the first place. I also wish she’d drop the subject. But she doesn’t, because she’s Mae, the most curious person I’ve ever met.
“Um, since her first day? So just about three weeks,” Mae replies.
Three weeks. It’s crazy how quickly time has flown. But at the same time, it hasn’t. Three weeks at the New England School of Ballet have already challenged me more than two years of lessons combined at my old ballet school. Between dance classes in the morning, theory classes in the afternoons, and sometimes strength training or cardio on top of that, most days leave me so exhausted that I’m usually in bed before ten, falling asleep because my body is totally overwhelmed by what I’m demanding of it.
The soreness in my muscles isn’t quite as bad anymore; at least there’s been some improvement. Still, I’m nowhere near the level of the others. And it doesn’t help to hear at least twice a week that I should take my time and not put so much pressure on myself. First Mr.Conrad and Melanie and now even Francesca have started with it after the lifts with Ches didn’t work in class today either.
They don’t get that their words just put me under even more pressure. They obviously don’t believe I’m up to it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t say something like that. They wouldn’t try to slow me down. But I’m not giving up. I don’t want to. I’m not allowed to.
“We’re waiting!” Mae trills, and it takes a moment to remember what she asked me.
“Nothing’s going on. We’re friends,” I reply, reaching for my bag.
“Uh-huh. Sure. I always look at my friends the way you and Easton look at each other every day.”
“We don’t look at each other like anything,” I protest, feeling a telltale flush rising to my cheeks.
“Liar,” Mae nudges me, and unfortunately, she’s right. Wedolook at each other. Just not the way she thinks we do.
“No. We’re really just friends,” I say firmly. But then I stupidlythink back to that evening two and a half weeks ago when Easton came to my door.
One hug in six months is definitely not enough.
I blush deeply now, because I also remember what he smells like. Like soap and a hint of cinnamon. And I only know that because he hugged me. I buried my face in his chest, and my nose wasn’t blocked from crying that time, so I could breathe him in. Then I think about his lips against my forehead, and the heat in my cheeks rushes deeper, through my whole body, gathering in my center. I don’t dare look at Mae and Zoe. If I do, I’ll blow my cover.
“You’re blushing,” Mae says. Of course she noticed anyway.
“Mae, leave her alone. If she says they’re just friends, they’re just friends,” Zoe says, but she doesn’t sound at all convinced. I think it’s unfair that they’re so united on this while I refuse to think about it. I certainly can’t think about whatmightbe going on that I haven’t realized yet.
We’re friends. Just friends.
Anything else... no, I can’t deal with that. Not now. I need friends. I need stability. I need security. With Easton, I feel safe.
“Yeah, Mae, leave her alone,” Skye says. “You’re way too nosy, and someday someone is going to kick your butt.”
“Maybe.” Mae shrugs nonchalantly. “But not today.” She gets up off the floor and puts on her jacket. It’s gotten even colder in the last few days. The sky is full of thick gray clouds, and the whole city just seems to be waiting for the snow to start.
I am too. I hope Easton can keep his promise.
