Oh, fuck.
Wrong direction, Easton.
I blush. I hate it, but I can’t help it. To make matters worse, Rayne blushes too, and it’s getting out of control.
“How’s the dancing going?” I say, changing the subject awkwardly. We need to talk about something, because silence would kill me right now. Her lips really are beautiful and I’m still holding her hand, which is small and soft in mine.
I quickly let go, but it’s too late. Heat is rising in my middle, and that’s not good at all.
I feel Rayne tense beside me. “Okay.” Her voice sounds different than it did a moment ago, more distant, and the heat inside me is abruptly replaced by an unsettled feeling.
“You don’t sound very convinced,” I say slowly. My thoughts are racing, and the voice in my head is back, but this time it’s telling me very clearly that I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Yeah, well... maybe it’s because I’m not.” She grimaces, reaching for the rings that are usually on her fingers but still aren’t there.
Yes, I really should have kept my mouth shut. I know Rayne, and I know ballet isn’t an easy subject for her. So why couldn’t I have just asked about something else? Unfortunately, the answer is simple: I didn’t think before opening my mouth.
“Why are we talking about me right now anyway?” she asks defensively. “A minute ago we were talking about you and the band.”
“I know, but—”
“Don’t. Don’t say it’s about me now,” she says sharply. I don’t understand how everything could have gone so wrong so quickly. “God, why did you have to bring that up?” She jumps up, her hands clenched into fists, her whole body trembling, and I want to take back what I just said, every single damn word of it. “I’m not convinced because I’m not good, okay? I’m really not, and it doesn’t help that everyone keeps telling me to take my time and not put pressure on myself. They’re telling me it’s okay that I’m not keeping up, but it’snotokay.”
Her words are sharp as needles, and I have a sinking feeling that somehow I’m missing something, something I don’t know. There must be another part of the puzzle, otherwise she wouldn’t react this way when... when what? I don’t have the slightest clue.
“Rayne.” I say her name, and that’s all I can say because I’m thrown off balance, and I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to make it better.
“Don’t you have to get going?” she asks, and the hard tone in her voice makes it extremely clear that for her, this conversation is over.
I look at my watch, and she’s right. I should really go. But I don’t want to. Not like this.
“Yes, but—”
“Go ahead. I should leave too.”
“Rayne...”
She shakes her head, her shoulders slump, and she looks just as lost and hurt as she did the day before yesterday in my room. My heart cramps painfully because this time, it’s because of me. This is all a huge mess.
“I’m sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut.” Feeling helpless, I run my hands through my hair. We’re back at the place we were a few days ago. She wants to leave, and I don’t know how to stop her, or even if I should.
No, I definitely shouldn’t, because Rayne reaches for her bag, which is lying on the floor next to the door. “It’s okay, honestly. I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She doesn’t even wait for an answer, just rushes out of the room before I can say a word.
That went well.
***
My mind isn’t working properly when I’m sitting in the living room with the guys that evening, trying to write a new song. It’s totally empty. There are no intelligent thoughts, no words to be set to music. Only emptiness.
And Rayne.
Frustrated, I drop the pen onto the table. Jax, who’s sitting at his keyboard trying to fit a melody to my nonexistent lyrics, looks up.
“No joy?”
“Nope.”
