“What about Hailey?” he asks, and I grimace as I remember my best friend.
“Her life went on, and she didn’t wait for me,” I explain briefly. “I can’t blame her. It was her last summer before college.”
“What does that mean?” He sounds a little angry, which makes me feel better because even though I don’t want to admit it, I do resent Hailey for the way she acted.
“She wanted to enjoy it, and I... wasn’t the best company.”
“That’s cruel.”
“She just couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t deal with me. I can understand that.” I can’t, actually. But if I start to think too hard about how my best friend was acting like nothing had happened only two weeks after the accident, I’ll probably go crazy. Hailey had slept over almost every weekend and spent movie nights with me until we were fourteen, but that didn’t seem to matter to her once I really needed her. I thought I was over it by now, but apparently I was wrong. I should have known better. After all, I haven’t dealt with any of it yet: not Hailey’s withdrawal or her silence, not the accident or anything that came after it.
“Did she try, at least?” he asks, and it takes me a few seconds to remember what the last thing I said was.
“No,” I admit reluctantly.
Easton nods with his lips pressed together. I can see he’s struggling to keep from speaking his mind.
“Go ahead,” I encourage him.
“Hailey’s kind of a selfish bitch.”
A hoarse laugh escapes me, but yes, unfortunately he’s got it pretty much right.
“So you moved in with your grandmother?” Easton asks.
I nod. “Yes. Looking back, it was probably a stupid idea. But I didn’t want to be alone, and she’s all that’s left of my family.” My eyes fill with tears again, and I blink frantically to hold them back, to no avail.
“Why was it stupid?”
“Because I might as well have lived alone and it wouldn’t have made any difference. She was never there, and I stayed in my room all day.”
“All the time?”
I shrug. “There was no reason to go out.” I looked for one, but in the end none of them were good enough to motivate me to leave. Not even the knowledge that Easton was living and working just a few minutes’ drive away.
“What was your grandmother doing all that time?”
“No clue,” I say with a sigh. “She was out. She stayed with me for three weeks in LA before I came here with her, and she seemed to have missed being here a lot. Or maybe not. I really don’t know. She travels a lot, organizes charity events and stuff. She’s also on the board of the ballet school.”
“Is that why you’re there now?”
“No,” I say, my voice softer now. “Grandma helped me get in, but that’s not the reason I decided to go.”
“Because of your mom?” He squeezes my hand, and that warm gesture makes me want to tell him the truth.
“Yes.” Now my voice is a barely audible whisper. “I was having a bad day and watched a video of her. One from a long time ago, before she met Dad. When she was still at ballet school. And somehow—” I break off, forcing myself to take a deep breath because my chest is tight again.
“You miss her. That’s why you’re there.”
“Yes.” My breath escapes in a sigh. I miss Mom. I miss Dad. I miss home. I miss my old life. I miss the old me. “It feels like I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know how to find myself again,” I whisper.
“That’s okay. You’ll find yourself again. And I’ll be with you, okay?” Easton squeezes my hand, and all at once my chest feels a little less tight and my heart hurts a little less, because he’s here and I’m not alone anymore.
“You’re a good friend, you know that?”
I hear the smile in his voice as he replies. He’s definitely thinking the same thing that I am. “I do my best.”
Before
