“I know.” Zoe sighs and points to the desk chair. “Do you want to sit down, Rayne?”
“Sure.” I do as she asks. Zoe steps behind me and runs the brush through my hair.
“I love your color.”
“Thanks,” I reply, a pang in my heart as I remember the first time Dad helped me dye my hair, just a few days before the accident.
“It suits you perfectly.” Mae sits down on my bed and smiles at us. “It’s like it was meant to be. Our colors go well together.”
“Actually, they clash a bit,” Zoe says dryly. She’s right. Copper, auburn, and purple don’t harmonize very well.
But Mae waves it off. “Nonsense.”
“Do I have to take out my piercings?” I ask, touching the tip of my nose and thinking about all the rings and studs in my ears.
“I don’t think so,” Zoe replies, tugging at my hair a little too hard. But it’s exactly the level of pressure I couldn’t manage alone. “Just wait and see if one of the teachers says anything. But I think you can leave them in during class. You’d have to take them off for the stage, but we’re not there yet anyway. You should take off the bracelets and rings, though. There, all done. You’d better do the hairspray yourself.” She hands me the can and I stand up.
“Time for breakfast,” Mae says when I’m done, hopping off my bed. “It’s about time. I need caffeine.”
We go down to the dining room together and get our breakfast, sitting down at one of the round tables where a blond boy and a girl with dark hair are sitting. I met a few people at dinner last night, but I couldn’t remember most of their names. But I recognize these two as Zoe’s boyfriend, Jase, and Skye.
“You’re late,” Skye says as Zoe bends down to Jase and kisses him lightly on the lips. His green eyes glow.
“We had a little hair problem,” Mae explains and sits down next to Skye as I take the chair across from her.
“It looks like you were able to fix it.” Skye sizes us up and grins. Her long hair is still hanging loose over her shoulders. I take a sip of coffee while the others chat about their vacations and Christmas.
“How was it with Tristan and his parents?” Skye asks, and Mae blushes.
“Good. Very good, actually.”
“Just like I said it would be.” A smile of satisfaction spreads across Zoe’s face, and Jase shakes his head, laughing.
“Tristan is my boyfriend,” Mae explains when she sees my look of confusion. “We haven’t been together very long, but he wanted me to spend New Year’s with his family and get to know them. It was nice.” She sighs happily, and I have to smile even though I barely know her. She looks so happy that I can’t help it.
“Griffin and Robyn are just so cute,” Mae goes on and tells us about Tristan’s much younger brothers. Then the conversation turns to the coming semester. I sit silently next to them and listen, but I’m not uncomfortable. The others make an effort to include me in their conversation without bombarding me with questions that I can’t or don’t want to answer.
Right before eight thirty, we head to the practice studios so we can warm up before our first class. We say goodbye to Jase and Skye on the stairs. They have to go to a different studio because they’re a year ahead of us. Then we go up to the third floor and enter the last studio on the right.
When you enter a ballet studio, no matter which city or countryyou’re in, you can be pretty sure it’ll be set up the same. There’s a mirrored wall and two walls with ballet barres attached to them, and sometimes freestanding barres. However, large windows with a great view of campus make this room special. The grand piano is to the left of the door in front of the mirror.
Everything feels familiar, even though I’ve never been in this room before, and my chest tightens painfully as I think of Mom’s studio in the attic of our villa. We spent a lot of time up there together when I was a kid and had just started ballet. At some point, I started going upstairs less often and went to Dad instead, listening to him record his songs rather than practicing with Mom. But Mom was always there. She never performed on stage, but she never let go of ballet, either. Dancing was for her what music was for Dad. It was something that belonged to her alone, something she loved and was incomparably good at.
I see images in my mind’s eye, memories of Mom standing behind me, correcting my position. Her hands are on my shoulders and waist, gentle but firm. She was always patient with me, even on the days when I behaved badly out of frustration that something wasn’t working the way I wanted it to.
Watch your balance, sweetheart. You can do it, I know you can.
My skin prickles in goose bumps, and I feel tears building in my eyes again. I miss Mom. I miss her so much that I don’t know how I’m going to get over the fact that she’s gone. I can’t figure out how that’s supposed to work. There are no rules for it.
She should be here with me. I wish she were out there in the hall watching my first class, even if that’s silly, because the school doesn’t allow parents to watch. Plus, I wouldn’t even be here if Mom were still alive.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I can’t breathe. For a moment, I forget where I am, that I’m in Boston and not LA. A moment later, a slender hand touches my arm, and I’m pulled back into the here and now, trying to breathe to keep myself from losing it. I can’t do that. Not on my first day, in front of all these strangers.
“Rayne?” Zoe sounds worried. “Are you okay?”
I blink frantically to hold back the tears and force a smile. “Yes, everything’s fine.”
She doesn’t seem convinced. She’s sensitive enough to realize I’m lying, but she doesn’t press the issue. “Are you going to join us?” She nods at the corner where Mae is already sitting on the floor, stretching.
