Tears well up in my eyes and I can’t hold them back. My head hurts because I suddenly remember that Dad will never hear this song.He would have loved it, I know that. He would have loved that I wrote it with Easton.
I know you can do it, little Bird. Believe in yourself. You were born to make music.
I’d blocked out the memory of him saying that, the morning before the accident. A few hours before he left with Mom to go to that party. I sat in my room, countless pieces of paper and dozens of pens scattered around me on the floor, trying to take what was going on in my head and put it down on paper. I was frustrated and angry at myself, convinced that I would never, ever be able to write a song that was really good.
And now here I am, and I’ve done it. With Easton. This song is truly everything, and that’s exactly what I want. I want to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper, shape them into words and verses that come together to create something whole.
It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted. I just forgot along the way, or I didn’t let myself remember. I suppressed my desire to write. But now I can’t do that anymore. Easton reaches out to me, gently wiping the tears off my cheeks. He knows what’s going on inside my head, even without me saying it. The song fades away, and I give the earbuds back to Easton.
“It’s so, so beautiful,” I say, my voice choked. “Honestly, I didn’t think it would be this good. I mean, I did, but this is—”
“Everything,” he says, finishing my sentence. Yes, he definitely knows what’s going on in my head.
“I wish my dad could hear it.”
“Me too. He’d be so proud of you.”
“Yes.” I try to swallow the lump in my throat and fail. I sigh. “He would have been.”
Easton pulls me close, his lips brushing my temple. We stand there for a while, his arms wrapped around me, my face buried in his jacket. Then I lift my head.
“When we shoot the music video...” I begin. I’m captivated by his gaze, and for a moment I think I see the stars reflected in his eyes, but that’s impossible. I want to believe it, though, because somewhere up there is the star that Mom and Dad gave me. That makes me feel a little like they’re still here, as long as I can see it.
“What?” Easton whispers softly, his breath brushing against my skin.
“Will you dance with me? It’soursong, right? Then let it be our dance. Please.”
I need him to say yes because he has to know that it’s all or nothing. Dancing with him on Monday felt so right. Besides, it was fun, and maybe that’s exactly how it should be. Maybe that’s all dancing needs to be for me. Something I do because it brings me joy. Not necessarily something I want to spend every day of my life doing.
Could it be that simple?
I have no idea, but I don’t have to decide right now.
Easton smiles and nods, and for the first time in months, for the first time since that night that changed everything, I believe that someday I might be totally happy again.
And that being happy would be okay.
Chapter 40
Rayne
Save Tonight—Tom Speight, Lydia Clowes
“Oh my God, I’m so excited! Are you guys excited too?” Mae grabs my hand and almost crushes my fingers. She’s squeezing so hard I can hardly feel them.
“No, not at all. I’m totally chill about all of this,” I say, rolling my eyes. Zoe and Jase start laughing.
“Sure, that’s why you can’t stop running back and forth to check if the guys need help and if Skye is happy with how we’ve set everything up,” says Jase.
Embarrassed, I start to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, but Zoe stops me. “Hands off, you’ll ruin the curls.”
“Sorry,” I sigh. “It’s just... Was this a stupid idea? Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to do this.”
“No,” they say simultaneously.
“It was a great idea!” This time, Mae squeezes my hand more gently. “Really. The video is going to be absolutely amazing, I’m sure of it.”
“Me too,” Zoe agrees. “You’ve been working so hard on the choreography these past few weeks. There’s no way it isn’t good.”
