Forgot to see
Forgot my fucking name
I really do forget everything when I’m watching her, but the words don’t disappear because she embodies them. I only come back to reality when she pauses and turns to look at me. It takes a few seconds for me to notice and stop playing. The last notes ring out, and then the piano falls silent.
“What do you think?” she asks. There’s a kind of uncertainty in her voice that I know all too well. “Of course I’m not finished with it, it can’t be done so fast. That was just what came to my mind first. Melanie helped me a little with the moves during class, but I’m not quite sure if everything fits yet. Maybe it would be better not to do the video, or maybe I just shouldn’t dance, and you and the guys do the video alone. Of course no one will be interested in seeing me dance, and—”
“Stop.” I interrupt her, and her mouth snaps shut. “That was... I can’t even explain how that made me feel, Rayne.” I stand up and go to her, taking her hands and wrapping my fingers around hers.“You’re going to dance in this video. Unless you really don’t want to. But you should, because you’re part of this song. Okay?”
Her gray eyes shine as she looks up at me. “Okay.” Then she smiles. “I was wondering if we should do some of the dancing together.”
I have to laugh. “I can’t dance.”
“Neither can I,” she argues.
“You just saw yourself in the mirror, didn’t you? At least a little bit?”
She shrugs. “Yes, but—”
“No buts.” I put my hands on either side of her face. Her skin is warm and soft. “You can do this. Why do you always doubt yourself so much?”
Her long black lashes cast shadows on her cheeks as she lowers her eyes. “Because I’m not as good as my mom,” she whispers, so softly that I can barely understand her. “I came here because I want to be like her. But I just can’t do it.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. But today, for a moment I thought I might be able to get there after all. Everything was going really well in class, and then...” she swallows and exhales with a sigh. “Then I started working on this choreography and it was... a lot of fun.”
My brow creases. I don’t like the way she makes it sound. “Why are you saying that like it’s a problem?”
“Because none of the others enjoy it. Everyone else wants to do ballet, and contemporary dance is just a course that they have to take because it was assigned to them. And I’m...” she trails off and bites her lower lip insecurely.
“You’re you,” I say firmly. “You don’t have to be like your momor anyone else at this school. You don’t have to be anything. You are who you are, and you’re perfect just like that. You’re talented and beautiful and... Damn it, Rayne, can you please try to see yourself the way I see you?”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just looks at me. Then she smiles. It’s small and seems a little sad, but it’s still a smile.
“I’ll try.” She stands on tiptoes and kisses me lightly, and I get goose bumps. “Dance with me,” she whispers against my lips. “Just once. I want to know what it feels like.”
I rest my forehead against hers. “If you want to dance with me, I’ll dance with you until you don’t want to anymore.”
“That will never happen,” she says, and in that moment, we both truly believe it.
Part 8Bridge
Chapter 38
Easton
Hopes & Dreams—Caskets
“East!” I look up at the sound of Beck’s excited voice. My best friend storms into the record store, closely followed by Colin and Jax. All three of them have the same feverish expression on their faces, and my pulse races to dizzying heights. I’ve never seen my friends like this before, with their eyes wide and their faces pale.
“What’s going on?” I ask, sirens going off inside my head.
“You’re on your phone every damn day for months, and the one time we need you, you don’t even look at it?” Colin complains. But there’s a teasing undertone in his voice I recognize, and I’m sure he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. He’s way too excited, but there’s no panic involved. My shoulders relax a little. If something bad had happened, Colin wouldn’t be acting so normal right now. Basically, his complaining is probably a good sign.
“Sorry, I was busy.” I point to the boxes of records that arrived a few hours ago, which I’ve been sorting ever since. It was surprisinglybusy here this afternoon, so I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked, and I really didn’t have time to check my phone.
“I can see that.” Jax grins at me, a wordless apology for Colin’s grumbling.
