Things would be better after a good night’s sleep.
Twenty
Valerie often wished she was a better person. That she was kinder and more accepting of those around her. That she had the stick-to-it-iveness her mother so admired in Erica. That she could say what she meant, instead of glossing over her hurt feelings and getting progressively more resentful.
She glanced over at Nico, who was frowning slightly at the road ahead. He was acting the same as normal, and why shouldn’t he? They’d had a disagreement about Penny, and Valerie’s perception of her role. She’d corrected him and told him she wasn’t upset. He’d acknowledged her correction. It was done and there was nothing more to say.
Except she had been upset when she told him she wasn’t, and she was upset now.
It was a beautiful day for a road trip, with frothy clouds and light traffic, but instead of appreciating any of this, Valerie stewed. The kilometers passed and the trees gave way to fields, then trees again and the occasional gas station or hidden driveway. She stewed some more. Ofcourse she knew she wasn’t a Badgerton. What was he trying to get at? Was he hoping to make her feel bad? Why did he say that?
“I have a mother,” she said abruptly.
Nico jerked in his seat at the sudden declaration. “I know you do.”
“I don’t need Penny as a mom,” she said. “I don’t know why you said that.”
“I knew you were mad,” he said, looking away from the road. “Why did you say you weren’t?”
“That’s not the point. Why did you say that about Penny?”
“It’s a bit of the point. You told me things were fine and I trusted you that they were.”
“We have plenty of time to fight about that next, but I want to focus on why you said what you did.”
Nico blew his breath out slow and steady, but not as if he was frustrated. It was more like he was trying to figure out what to say. “Penny can be charming when she wants,” he said finally. “I’ve known her for years, but I don’t trust her and neither should you.”
“What makes you think I trust her?”
“When you were talking about her, it seemed like a close relationship was something you wanted.”
Valerie’s throat closed up, thinking how nice it would be to have someone care about her the way Penny did Brayden, and about the small bit of her, deep inside, that had been attracted to this scheme because of the chance to be an important part of a family, however briefly. “I don’t.”
They drove in silence for a bit longer. “Why did you say it was okay when it wasn’t?” Nico said.
She was too tired to give anything but the truth. “Because it was easier.”
“To lie?”
“It’s not worth the fight, so it’s better to move on.”
Nico looked like she’d told him she believed in a flat earth. “What?”
“What do you mean, what?”
“This isn’t what I expected from you. I thought you’d want to talk about feelings and get to the real core of the disagreement.”
“I do, if it’ll make a difference.” She stared out the window. More trees passed by, matching the cadence of her pounding heart. It was so much simpler to pretend things were fine.
“Valerie, if I ask if you’re okay, I have to believe it when you say yes, and that it’s not only to make me feel better.”
How did this get turned on her when they were supposed to be talking about Nico’s shortcomings? “You’ll get mad at me.”
“I might but so what?”
“So what?” She stared at him. “You think it’s fun to have to navigate another person’s emotions for them? To deal with the sulking and the pissiness because I said no or the truth about how I felt and it made them feel bad, even if they were the one in the wrong? Especially if they were the one in the wrong?”
“I know it’s not,” he said. “I get it.”
