I shake my head. “You’re missing the point here. It’s not who he is. It’s that you lied to me.” I want to tell her how hurt I am that she didn’t trust me, but I can’t come out and say that. The words are too hard, even with Hana. There’s been too much tonight for me to expose any vulnerability.
“I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry.” She drops back on the bed like an anguished starfish. “It’s a huge secret in my family.”
“I don’t get why you being cousins is such a big deal. He lives in Korea.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “They had a sasaeng. Do you know what they are?”
I shake my head.
Hana bends over to hug her legs close. “They’re fans, but obsessed ones. Stalkers.”
“Jihoon had one?”
She nods and tucks her hair behind her ears. “She started by following him around airports. She eventually broke into their dorm and handcuffed herself to his bed.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Nope. It was terrifying. StarLune had recently debuted, so theyweren’t even that big yet. Jihoon’s company suggested we keep our relationship secret so fans wouldn’t bother us.”
“I can’t believe your mom went along with it.”
“Obviously she would have loved the attention of being Min’s aunt. She changed her mind when Jihoon told her what some people had done to an idol’s family in New Jersey. They wouldn’t leave them alone and followed the kids to school and the parents to work, taking photos. Then one day they broke in to take souvenirs from the guy’s childhood bedroom.”
“You’re kidding.”
“It was extreme and unusual, but it happened. Most Starrys are supportive and respectful, but a very rare number of people get obsessed in a bad way.”
“That’s unbelievable.”
Hana pops her head up with a mischievous grin. “Eomma nearly had an aneurysm when StarLune made it big and she couldn’t brag to her church group. Especially since Mrs. Park’s son kept getting promoted at his firm.”
I want to laugh—I can visualize Mrs. Choi’s impotent fury—but I don’t want Hana to think she’s off the hook. “That’s all well and good, but this is me. I can keep a secret. I keep secrets for aliving.”
“I know, but it’s been ingrained in me that we never talk about Jihoon outside the family.” She looks down and picks at her nails. I automatically swat her hand away. “Then he asked me to hold off so he could tell you himself.”
“Apparently he was going to tonight.”
She sighs. “He said you made him feel free and like himself. He didn’t have to pretend or worry about you wanting Min and getting Jihoon. He didn’t want to give that up.”
That warms me but not enough. “Except he was pretending the whole time. It was all about him and how he felt. What he wanted. Relationships are built on trust and reciprocity, but I was left in the dark.”
Hana plucks her lower lip and looks at the ceiling. “The beginning of a relationship is a period of learning,” she reasons. “It’s when you find out they like raisins in their butter tarts or iron their underwear.”
“First, who irons their underwear? Second, this is hardly the same level as finding out they wear dress socks and boxers around the house. Although that’s a deal breaker.”
“Right, right,” she assures me. “I would have told you if he did that.”
“Good to know you would have told me something.”
She flinches, but I don’t take pleasure in twisting the knife. I feel…tired.
“I’m not taking sides,” she says softly. “I only want to help you understand why he did it.”
I circle back to the main issue, which comes down to two words. “He lied.”
“A lie of omission, not commission. He never denied he was in StarLune.”
This is stretching it so far it riles me up again. “Why would I ask him that? Do you think I go around assuming everyone is a celebrity in hiding?” Another thought occurs to me. “You don’t even like K-pop. You hardly ever play it.”
