“Just about holding up,” I managed.
“Shall we go outside? It looks like Mrs. Atallah is going to keep Darcy busy for a few minutes, and Nick is in the back, getting things ready.” Bianca pulled the door open, and I followed her outside.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Darcy,” I said as soon as we stepped into the lamplit street. “I was just—”
“Let’s not talk about that now,” she said.
“But you must hate me. We never have secrets from each other, and yet I sat there in the pub and lied to your face.”
“Of course I don’t hate you,” Bianca said. “We can analyze why you didn’t tell me over a bottle of wine another time, but for now all that matters is how you’re feeling.”
I opened my mouth to say I was OK, then felt a crush of grief inmy chest. It must have shown on my face, because Bianca put her arm around my shoulders.
“I know Darcy has to go back, but is it awful to say that I really don’t want to lose him?” I whispered, feeling guilty even saying the words out loud.
“It’s not awful at all—but also, you’re not losing him,” Bianca said. “You’ll still havePride and Prejudice, where he’ll live on forever.”
“I know, but it’s not the same, is it? He won’t be waiting for me at home when I get back from work, and I can’t talk to him when he’s in the book,” I said. “I know it’s stupid to feel so sad about losing a fictional character, but this whole thing has felt so real to me.”
“But it has been real! Your feelings for Darcy aren’t fictional, so you’re allowed to grieve this like the end of any real relationship.”
A real relationship. At those words, I felt the tears I’d been holding back all afternoon start to fall. “I thought I wanted a romantic relationship with Darcy, but it never felt quite right, so what does that say about me? Am I so broken that even when I have my dream man, I can’t make a relationship work?”
“Listen to me: You are not broken,” Bianca said, grabbing my shoulders and turning me so I had to look at her. “There are a million reasons why it might not have felt right with Darcy. Perhaps you weren’t in the headspace for a relationship, or maybe he wasn’t as great in real life as he was in the book. Or it could be that it never felt right because deep down you knew Darcy couldn’t stay here forever. But whatever the reason, Ipromisethere’s nothing wrong with you, Zoe.”
I wanted to believe my best friend, just like I’d wanted to believe Nick earlier, but the evidence of my life seemed to suggest otherwise. My own dad had chosen to leave rather than stay and look after me when Mum was dying. Crispin had kept me around while I was helpfulbut got rid of me the second I was no use to him anymore. And now even Mr. Darcy—a man I’d seemingly read out of a novel because I needed him so much—was abandoning me too. The tears fell harder until I could barely see.
“Before Darcy came along, I thought I was doing fine,” I sobbed. “I thought relationships were too painful, writing was too hard, and all I needed was you and my book boyfriends to make me happy. But this past week with Darcy has given me a glimpse of another life, one that felt full of hope. And now he’s leaving me, and I’ll be back on my own again.”
“You are not on your own! You have me and my family and Mr. Wickham—plus, I know Mrs. Atallah adores you, even if she has a funny way of showing it,” Bianca said.
“That’s a cat and a handful of people, most of them related to you. That’s hardly a thriving life, is it?”
“OK, maybe not ‘thriving,’ no,” she conceded. “But in that case, hasn’t Darcy done you a favor by making you realize you want more from your life? So perhaps rather than feeling so sad about him leaving, you should try and think of this time you’ve had with him as a gift?”
I stepped back from B, wiping my eyes. This past weekhadbeen incredible. I’d written again for the first time in years and talked about Mum, plus I’d started imagining a life beyond the four walls of my flat. I thought back to what Nick had said earlier, about his family’s book magic only working if someone had a problem they needed help with. Is that why Darcy had come here: not because I was lonely or needed him as a romantic partner, but to help me realize I wanted more from my life?
“You know I’m right, don’t you?” Bianca said gently. “And I understand things might seem hopeless right now, but I bet you that by thistime next year, you’ll have written a book and be dating a man who adores you like Wes fromBetter Than the Movies, makes you laugh like Drew fromTangled, and shags you like Michael fromThe Kiss Quotient.”
I let out a snotty bark of laughter. “Yeah, sadly, I’m not sure such a man exists.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” B said, smiling. “I have a feeling you might have already—”
“I’m so sorry to interrupt…” a voice said behind us, and I turned around to see Nick silhouetted in the doorway of the shop. “We have to start; Darcy’s other hand has begun to fade.”
I felt my stomach tighten. “Where is he?”
“Waiting out the back. Come on.”
The room looked the same as before, only Nick had moved the desk to one side so there was a bit more space. Darcy was in there with Mrs. Atallah, although he didn’t look up when I walked in.
“Are you OK, Darcy?” I asked.
He nodded, still staring at the floor. “Mrs. Atallah has informed me of the major events in the rest of season five ofLove Island, so at least I shall return to Netherfield knowing of Tommy and Molly-Mae’s happy ending.”
I smiled at the older lady, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye, either, and I could tell she was fighting back tears. The poor woman—she was going to miss Darcy as much as I was. I made a mental note that once the dust had settled from all this, I’d make more of an effort to spend time with her, as opposed to running past her door whenever I went in or out.
“Mrs. Atallah, have you got the copy ofPride and Prejudice?” Nick said.
