“Indeed.”
He paused, his body braced above mine, and for a moment I thought he wasn’t going to carry on. Then he lowered his mouth and kissed me again. This time it was gentler, less washing-machine-on-spin-cycle, and I kissed him back. This was more like it! He still wasn’t touching me with his hands, but I put my own on his back, digging my fingernails lightly into his skin so that he let out a low groan.
We carried on like this for several minutes, and I tried to lose myself in kissing the literal book boyfriend of my dreams. And yes, the bedcreaked every time we moved and the mattress was like a slab of concrete, and sure, my body still wasn’t igniting with fire like it usually did when I was with a guy I liked, but this was still 100 percent better than at the party last night. Our kiss there flickered into my mind, and as it did, I saw Nick’s horrified face when he’d seen us. What! Why the hell was I thinking abouthimright now?
Because you know Nick’s right!the Fear crowed as Darcy moved his lips from my mouth to my neck.You may want this to be a real relationship, but it never will be.
No, that wasn’t true! We were away on our first romantic mini break together; what could be more real than that? I twisted my body, dislodging Darcy so I could roll on top of him. He inhaled sharply in surprise, but then his lips were back on mine. He put his left hand up to my face, stroking my cheek, and I moaned. See, I was enjoying this! Darcy and Iwerephysically compatible!
Your problem isn’t physical attraction, you donkey.Your problem is that you love Darcy, but you’re notin lovewith him.
But Iwasin love with him. I’d been in love with Darcy since I was fourteen. He was the man I compared everyone else to, my ideal mix of looks, brains, and loyalty. Jesus, I loved him so much I’d managed to summon him out of a book! And maybe something didn’t feel 100 percent right between us, but if I couldn’t make a relationship work with my perfect man, then how would I ever make a relationship work with anyone?
“Oh my dear, sweet Zoe,” he mumbled into my neck, and I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus on him rather than the voice in my head.
You can’t make a relationship work because it’s built on lies, it shouted. You’ve misled him about everything, including the fact Jane Austen wrote him for Elizabeth Bennet. He’s not yours to keep!
I jerked my head back, leaving Darcy staring up at me in bewilderment.
“What is the matter?” he panted. “Have I done something incorrectly? Did I hurt you?”
“No, Darcy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I rolled off him and sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. My head was spinning, and for a horrible moment, I thought I was going to be sick.
“Are you all right?” he asked gently.
“I’m good,” I said, although the opposite was true. I wasn’t good; I was a liar who was misleading the man I claimed to love.
“Darcy, when you saw those people in Regency costume earlier, what did it make you think?”
He sat up and moved to sit next to me, rubbing his face in confusion at the sudden gear change. “Well, I suppose it made me feel a little maudlin for all I have lost. As much as I have tried to make peace with my life here, I should have liked to have had a little company from those who know what it is to be shipwrecked in a foreign century.”
I swallowed because there it was. Darcy had been putting on a brave face, but I’d seen the pain in his eyes when he’d been reminded of Georgiana earlier, and his disappointment when he’d realized the festival-goers weren’t his own people. It was clear he was missing his old life far more than he’d been letting on. Or maybe he hadn’t been putting on a brave face, but I’d just been ignoring the signs, too caught up in my own selfish desire to keep him here to see how unhappy he really was.
“Do not look so sad,” Darcy said, and I realized he was watching me with concern. “I will admit, seeing those fellows caused me some sorrow, but I am well again now. You need not worry for me, for I haveaccepted that in all likelihood I shall never see my home again. But I believe that with you by my side, dearest Zoe, I shall still be quite happy here. Indeed, I do believe that I am developing feelings of the strongest affection for you.”
I closed my eyes, my chest aching. How long had I dreamed of hearing Darcy say words like this to me? And yet now that I was hearing them, they felt all wrong. He shouldn’t be developing feelings for me; he should be developing them for Elizabeth. And however much I might not want to admit it, I was keeping them apart by hiding him from Nick, the one person who might be able to help get him back intoPride and Prejudice, where he belonged.
“Darcy, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What is it, Zoe?”
He was watching me with his deep-brown eyes, so full of trust, and I reached across the bed to take his right hand in mine. But as soon as I touched it, he winced and snatched his arm back.
“Are you OK?” I asked as he thrust it behind his back.
“I am perfectly fine, thank you.”
“Have you hurt your hand?”
“It is nothing but a bruise.”
“Can I take a look at it? We can always stop at a chemist and get some arnica cream this afternoon.”
I waited for him to show me his hand, but he kept it behind his back.
“Darcy, what’s going on? If there’s something wrong with it, then—”
