CHAPTER
24
The next week passed in a daze. Libby went through the motions around the house—sleeping and eating, looking after Hector—but she felt numb. Was it really possible that she was pregnant? She and Simon had always been so careful. But somehow it had gone horribly wrong, and now she was pregnant by a man who no longer wanted to be with her, a man who was seeing someone else. Plus, she didn’t know the first thing about raising a baby, she was unemployed, soon to be homeless, and her savings were fast running out. Panic gnawed at Libby’s insides and her head spun as the grim reality of the situation hit her again and again.
She avoided Rebecca as much as possible, too scared to tell her yet, and although Libby sent Frank a brief message to reassure him she was home from the hospital, she’d not gone into any details. As for Dylan, Libby had ignored his WhatsApp message on Monday morning telling her he was waiting for her at the bus stop, and the voice mail he’d left later that day checking she was okay and informing her he’d finished putting posters up along the route. Once or twice she’d considered calling him back and confessing why she’d failed to meet him as agreed, but every time she bottled out. Dylan was a lovelyguy, but any chemistry they might have had would disappear the moment he knew she was pregnant, and Libby couldn’t bear to see Dylan be awkward around her. Now their poster project was finished, it was easiest if Libby ignored his messages and let him forget about her.
And then there was Simon. Libby knew she had to tell him, but the thought made her feel physically sick. Simon had moved on with his new life and girlfriend, so how would he react when she told him she was pregnant? Would he be angry, thinking she was trying to trap him? Would he want her to get rid of the baby? Because as much as this pregnancy was unplanned, it definitely wasn’t unwanted; Libby had dreamed of being a mother since she was a child. But in all those dreams, she’d been married, bringing up a baby as part of a family, not raising it alone. Libby had run this over and over in her mind all week, until her head ached and her eyes were sore from crying.
On Saturday morning, once she was sure that the others had left the house, Libby went down to the living room and pulled one of Rebecca’s books off the shelf. She’d spotted it during the week but hadn’t dared look at it. Now she carried it through to the kitchen and sat down at the counter.The Pregnancy Planner for New Parents, it read on the front, with a photo of a woman with a huge, distended belly and a man standing behind her, smiling smugly. Libby opened the book and flicked through until she came to the relevant page.
At fifteen weeks your baby is around 10cm long and approximately the size of an apple.
Libby put her hand on her stomach. There couldn’t be something the size of an apple in there. Surely her tummyshould have been properly bulging by now, not this small, slightly soft paunch. She read on.
If this is your first pregnancy, you may not have a visible baby bump yet, although your weight gain is likely to have started speeding up. Every pregnancy is different, so if you feel concerned in any way, then speak to your doctor.
Yes, I feel bloody concerned. Libby scanned farther down the page.
The baby’s eyes are now sensitive to light and its fingernails are starting to grow.
For some reason, this fact made Libby gasp. She’d been amazed by Hector’s tiny fingers when he’d been born, so small and wrinkled, like a little old man’s.
Around fifteen weeks, your baby will start hearing you, so you can talk to it whenever you like.
Libby put the book down.
“Hello, little one,” she said, and then felt self-conscious at hearing her own voice in the empty house. “I’m your mummy.”
She pressed her hands more firmly on her tummy, imaging the apple-sized baby underneath.
“I’m sorry I’ve been a bit crap so far. I realize it’s not a great start, me not even knowing you were there. And sorry for all the crying this week. It’s been a bit of a shock, that’s all.”
There was a muffled sound from a neighboring garden, and Libby paused.
“Look, this isn’t exactly how I’d hoped it would happen, what with your father and me... Well, never mind about that now. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about things this week, and I want you to know that I’m excited about this... aboutyou. I apologize now that I have absolutely no idea what to do and I’ll probably make a shit ton of mistakes, like swearing in front of you. And right now I have no idea where we’re going to live or how I’m going to support us. But I’ll work it out, okay? I promise.”
Libby held her breath, waiting to see if she’d feel anything under her hands, the tiniest sign that the baby had heard and was excited too. But instead, all she felt was a sudden, desperate urge to go for a wee.
As she was washing her hands in the bathroom sink, making a mental list of all the things she needed to do, Libby heard the sound of the front door clicking open downstairs. Rebecca, Tom, and Hector were usually out at football practice until lunchtime every Saturday. She dried her hands and stepped out into the hall.
“Hello?”
“Libby, where are you?” Rebecca’s voice shouted up the stairs.
“Up here. What are you doing back so early?”
“Mum’s here for brunch, remember?”
Bugger. Libby absolutely did not remember, and the last thing she needed was a meal with her family right now. Her mum would take one look at her and immediately know something was going on.
“I hope you’re not still lazing in bed, Elizabeth,” Pauline’s voice called up.
“No, Mum,” Libby replied, looking down at her scruffy pajamas.
“Good. Well, come down, then. I need your help preparing the smoked salmon and scrambled eggs.”
Libby glanced in the bathroom mirror at her tired, pale face, then pulled her hair up into a ponytail, brushed on some mascara, and made her way downstairs.
