He rushed around and opened June’s door. She tried to stand on her own, but dizziness washed over her and she allowed Alex to help her to the front door. She dug around in her handbag for the front door key, but she couldn’t find it.
“Here, let me.” He took the bag from her, pulled out the key, and opened the door. “Do you want me to come in and get you some water?”
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” June leaned against the doorframe so she wouldn’t fall over. “I’m sorry. Forgot to eat.”
“Are you sure you’ll be all right?”
He gave June a look of such kindness that she felt her breath catch. What would she have done without Alex tonight? In fact, what would she have done without Alex for the past few months? June remembered Stanley’s words during the occupation, something about opportunities and seizing them.
“I should get home,” Alex said. He leaned toward June to give her a good-bye hug, and as he did, she moved forward as well. Their lips crashed against each other, knocking front teeth. June took hold of his shoulders to steady herself, closed her eyes, and waited for the kiss.
But nothing happened.
When she opened her eyes again, Alex was staring at her with a look of complete and utter terror.
“I... I’d better go,” he said, backing away.
“Alex—”
“See you soon.”
He was at the car door, yanking it open and jumping in. June heard the engine rev and the car pulled away. She stood on the doorstep and watched him go.
When he reached the corner and disappeared out of sight, June bent over and was sick in the flower bed.
•••
June opened her eyes and closed them again. She lay in her self-imposed darkness and assessed the damage. Her head was pounding, and her mouth tasted acidic. She reached down and felt the fabric of her dress, which meant she must have passed out fully clothed. Fragments of last night replayed across her mind: Marjorie shouting, Gayle’s expression, the ripe Brie flying through the air like a discus. June let out a moan and buried her head in the pillow. She lay like that until nature’s call became too strong and she had to get up.
In the bathroom she stared at herself in the mirror: mascara smeared round her eyes, her skin deathly white. She swallowed two paracetamol and made her way back to the bedroom, passing Alan Bennett on the landing.
“What have I done?” she said to him, but he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. June got back into bed and pulled the duvet over her head.
When she woke up again her headache had receded. She reached for her phone to check the time and saw four missed calls from Alex. At the sight of his name, June had a sudden flashback—her drunken attempt at a kiss, his look of horror as he backed away—and felt shame burn through her body. How could she have been so stupid? Stanley had been wrong—of course Alex didn’t have a soft spot for her. And he had a girlfriend, for god’s sake! June threw her phone on the floor in disgust and closed her eyes, but the image of his shocked face was burned onto her retinas.
June dozed on and off for the rest of the day, waking in blissful ignorance before she remembered and the pain came flooding back. What had happened at the wedding after she’d left? Had Gayle and Rupert spent the rest of their evening in newly wedded bliss? Or had they ended up having a huge argument, with screaming and tears and the guests leaving early, gossiping in hushed voices about it being the worst wedding they’d ever been to? And what about poor Marjorie? All this time June had been convinced that woman was out to destroy the library, when all along Marjorie had had no idea what her husband was doing. June put her head under the pillow and willed herself back to sleep.
She was woken by the sound of the doorbell. It was dark, the only light coming from the streetlamp outside her bedroom window. Who the hell could it be at this time of night? June rolled over and closed her eyes, but there it was again, the incessant ring. She reached for her phone where she’d discarded it under the bed this morning. There were six missed calls from Alex and one text message.PLEASE CALL ME ASAP. With a sinking feeling June got up,pulled on her dressing gown, and hurried downstairs. She opened the front door to see Alex standing on the doorstep.
“I’m sorry,” June blurted out before he could speak. “I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you.”
“June—”
“I’m so embarrassed. It was the alcohol. I didn’t know what I was doing. I know you don’t see me like that.”
“June—”
“Please can we forget it ever happened?”
“June. It’s Stanley.”
“What about him?”
“I’m so sorry. Stanley... he’sdead.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
They sat at the kitchen table drinking mugs of sugary tea while June listened to what Alex told her.Found in his trailer by a dog walker.The police think a couple of days.An image came into her head of Stanley lying alone on that narrow single bed, waiting to be discovered, and she had to put a hand over her mouth to stop a sob escaping.
