I sip from my own mug, considering that. It doesn’t feel like coddling, but rather…acceptance. I think it’s what has me continuing to come back here at least once a week.
“He still blames me for everything,” I tell her. “He wants me to ‘make it right.’ I don’t even know how I would go about doing that.”
“And I’m sure he has no idea either,” Christine says. “He’s just yelling into the void because he knows you’re the easiest target.”
My gaze snaps up to meet hers. “What do you mean?”
“It’s just that…” She sighs, looking sympathetic. “You still love him. You’re not like your brother. You’re…softer than that.”
I frown, not liking the assessment. Christine must pick up on that.
“That’s not to say you’resoft,” she clarifies. “Because you aren’t. Absolutely you aren’t. You’re just softer than your brother. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just something Bradley knows he can exploit.”
My face falls. “It’s stupid, isn’t it. How I’m still holding on to this idea that he might actually care about me someday.”
“It’s not stupid,” Christine tells me. She sets her mug on the coffee table, turning toward me. “He’s your father. Of course you’re going to feel that way. Deep down”—she makes a face—“and I meandeepdown, I’m sure Ian feels a bit of what you’re feeling too.”
I snort. “Somehow I doubt that.”
“I know my son,” she chuckles. “He acts tough, but again,deepdown—he feels just as much as everyone else.”
“I know I should just tell him to fuck off,” I mutter bitterly. I wince when I realize what I’ve said. “Sorry.”
Christine laughs. “Don’t be. It’s fine. You probably should, but…You can do it on your own terms in your own time. When you’re ready to cut that tie, you will.”
“Maybe,” I sigh.
“Talk about something else. How is living with Jack?”
I make a face. “You heard about that?”
“Ian told me.”
“Was he…upset?”
She shakes her head. “I get the sense he just worries he pushed you away somehow.”
“It’s not that,” I say immediately, setting my cup down on the coffee table. “It isn’t. It’s just…” I blow out a breath. “Ian still sees me as a kid sometimes.” I wave my hands placatingly. “And that’s not a bad thing! It’s just that…sometimes it can feel…”
“Suffocating,” Christine supplies.
I nod. “Exactly. I just want to feel normal for a little while, you know? After everything…Ineedto feel normal.”
“I get it,” she says. “Really. Don’t worry about Ian. He’ll be fine. He’s a big boy.”
“I hope so.”
“But you’ve been there for about a week now, right? Is it…okay?” She laughs softly. “I know Jack can be a handful.”
“It’s been…” I tilt my head back and forth, thinking. “Interesting,” I say finally. “He’s been pretty busy now that he’s playing again. He had two games this week, so honestly, between that and practice, I haven’t seen him allthatmuch.”
“It was nice of him to offer the room though,” she points out.
Her words give me pause, because in reality…itwasnice of him to offer. Have I even told him thank you? Jesus. What an asshole move.
“It was nice,” I agree. “I was surprised when he did.”
“Oh, Jack is a marshmallow,” Christine chuckles. “I’m not surprised. From what Ian’s told me, he spent most of his teen years playing parent to Lila, if you can believe it.”
