“I think I’m going to take their spare bedroom in the new place until my apartment is fixed.”
All at once, it feels like the bottom of my stomach falls out. “You’re moving out? Why? What did I do wrong?”
“Hey.” She reaches to place her palms on my cheeks, leaning in so I can hear her better as her eyes bore into mine. “You didnothingwrong. That’s not why.”
“Then why?”
I start to feel that familiar edge of panic rising in me. Moments ago, it felt like I had everything I ever wanted, and now Abby is telling me that she’s leaving.
“Because I love you,” she tells me, “and I want to do this right.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve shared a place the entire time we’ve been building this relationship,” she says. “We haven’t had a chance to really get to know each other with any kind of space between us. I want to do this forreal. I want you to pick me up for dates and come over for dinner and have all the things I’ve never had before. We can’t do that if we’re living together. There’s no way to grow as a couple if we spend our entire budding relationship right on top of each other.”
I can’t help it then, my lips quirking at her choice of phrase.
She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“It just feels like I did something wrong,” I admit.
“You did nothing wrong,” she says again. “There’s no wrong or right here. There’s just me doing what I think is necessary to give us a real chance. It’s not healthy for me to be codependent with you this early on. I need to find a way to take care of myself if there’s any way for me to learn how to let you take care of me. Does that make sense?”
There’s still a part of me that feels fear at the idea of her leaving, but a larger part of me understands what she’s saying. And she’s right, probably. I would never want to do anything that might jeopardize this thing between us, and if this is what she thinks we need to make sure it prospers, then I’m inclined to give it to her without a fuss.
“My little shrink,” I chuckle. “Always hitting me withlogic.”
“But one day,” she says, “I’m going to want you to ask me to move back in.”
“Move back in,” I say immediately.
She cocks an eyebrow, looking like she’s trying to hold back a smile. “When you think we’re ready.”
“You’re lettingmedecide?”
“I am,” she says. “Because again, I want to do this the right way, and I trust you. I want you to ask me when you know for sure that we’re not going anywhere. I want you to ask me when you know that there’s no possible way you’ll ever change your mind about me.” She presses a finger to my lips when I open them to protest, giving me a serious expression. “And maybe you think that now, but I want you to besurewhen you ask me. Because when I move back in, I want that to be it for us. I want to move back in knowing that I’m it for you, that I never have to worry about losing you. That we’reforever—and you can’t possibly know that right now. Not after six weeks. Understand?”
I want to argue with her, want to tell her that I canabsolutelyknow that for sure after so little time, but I can sense where she’s coming from. This is all so new for her, and she’s had so much disappointment in her life…She wants to make sure that what we have will never be added to that list. And if I’ve learned one thing in all my time with her…it’s that I’m inclined to give her whatever she wants.
And I know that part of her is right, deep down. Wehavedone all of this backwards. She’s never gotten to have that giddy feeling when I showed up to pick her up for a date. She’s never gotten tokiss me good night when I’ve dropped her off at home. There are a myriad of things Abby has never gotten to experience when it comes to being loved, and I want to make sure she gets to have every single one.
“Okay,” I tell her. “You’re right.”
She immediately looks relieved. “Really?”
“I mean, I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I get it. I do. And I want you to have that security when I ask you again. I want you to know for sure that I’m not going anywhere.”
“I hope you don’t,” she says, her expression softening.
I pull her knuckles to my lips, pressing a kiss there. “Never.”
The crowd around us starts to get rowdy again, and when I glance up, I notice that Abby and Iareon the jumbotron, that everyone in the arena just saw me kiss her hand like this was some sort of period piece, no doubt seeing exactly how besotted with her I am.
And again, I find I absolutely don’t care.
I throw my arm around her neck and pull her into my side, smacking a heavy kiss on her cheek for good measure as another roar passes through the crowd.
“Everyone is staring at us!” Abby squeals.
