I tilt my head toward his voice and then look at him. Only I don’t see his face. I see an annoying-as-fuck penlight flashing in my eyes. Batting it away, I blink at the retina burns and glower at him as best as I can.
His face is nothing more than a white blob, but I know he’s staring at me. “You know that’s bad to do to someone who has seizures, right?”
He sighs. “Yes, but I needed to get a read on your pupils. No concussion.”
I scoff. “I know that. You could have just asked.”
He hums something that doesn’t sound entirely agreeable, but he does put the penlight away. As my vision begins to clear, I can see him digging in the soft case kit Easton put together, and he pulls out stuff to clean and bandage my face.
I could be annoyed that I cut myself, but what’s one more scar?
“Why did you run away?” he asks as he tears open an antiseptic wipe.
I brace myself for the sting, but it doesn’t hurt as badly as I’m expecting. “Uh…”
It takes me a moment to remember what was happening at North’s and why I took off, but then it hits me, and even more shame courses through my body. I say nothing as he pours some antibiotic cream on his fingertips, and then he begins to smear it across my face where I hit the road. He’s wearing gloves, but god, even with latex covering his hands, his touch feels so fucking good.
After a beat, North pulls out bandages, then lets out a small sigh. “I’m not trying to be a dick, Leo. I just want to know what I said that upset you.”
I look away as he finishes dressing the scrapes, then peels off the gloves and sits back with his hands in his lap, looking like I just ripped him a new asshole.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I finally say. “But…it wasn’t you.”
He scoffs. “Really?”
I rub at my eyes, then let out the sigh I’ve been holding in. It feels somewhat cleansing, though it doesn’t make me feel better. “Sometimes I have triggers. Weird ones. I can’t help my reactions when they hit. There’s nothing I can tell you to change because you didn’t do anything wrong.”
I want to blame him. I really do. Life would be a lot easier if I could, but he doesn’t deserve it. Not this time.
After what feels like forever, North carefully puts everything away, stands up, and disappears from the room. I feel his absence like it’s a tangible thing, but that’s also how I feel his presence. He fills up so many dark corners of my empty life, and that really should scare me.
But for the first time, it doesn’t. The fear is real, though, because I know how badly loving someone can rip me to shreds.
Last time I let myself in—last time I let myself be open to love—it was ugly. Liam and I resented so much about each otherby the end, and then—just as we were trying to figure out if we could fix it—the universe took everything away.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to survive another hit like that.
“Do you need anything before I go?” he asks, cutting into my thoughts.
My mouth opens, the urge to beg him to stay—to touch me, hold me, kiss me, fuck me until I forget—is almost overwhelming. But I say nothing. Like always.
After a long pulse of silence, he sighs and says in the flattest tone, “Alright. Good talk. Have a nice afternoon, Leo.”
And then the door shuts, and the distance between us becomes a canyon.
TWELVE
NORTH
It’sno surprise to me that I run into Logan, Bailey, and Axel at the grocery store. A town this small with one big chain store, two boutique markets none of us can afford to shop at, and a Walmart at the edge of town means I tend to run into everyone I know everywhere.
And even when it’s my day off, I can’t escape the crew—not that I want to.
Bailey has officially been with us long enough not to be called a rookie anymore, but when I call out, “Yo! Rook!” she turns and smiles, then rolls her eyes.
“Fuck off, North.”
I walk over and tap my cart against hers as Logan frowns. “I thought I was the rookie.”
