Page 183 of A Reign of Chromes & Shadows

Then Jay realised he’d been caught.

He froze.

His expression shifted from heat to horror in a heartbeat. His cheeks flushed crimson. The air between them crackled with unspoken tension.

“Snow was right, wasn’t she?” Emily whispered, following Rain’s gaze. “He still wants you.”

Rain sighed, exhaustion tightening around his heart like a fist.

“I would never presume such a thing,” he murmured, rubbing his face with both hands.

“Answered like a true politician,” Emily teased.

The waitress arrived with their drinks. Emily thanked her, then continued, animated as ever.

“Look—as your best friend first, and loyal Blue subject second, or whatever you royals call us common folk—”

Rain snorted.

“—I loved seeing you happy. Before I knew you personally, you always looked so withdrawn at royal events. Brooding suits you, sure, but it was nice to see you happy. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I think a happy Rain would make a better king.”

Rain blinked, taken aback.

He’d never considered that.

Never thought about how his personal life might affect his reign.

He’d never dared to imagine a future with Jay because wanting him had always felt dangerous.

But Emily’s words cracked something open.

He loved Jay.

He knew that.

He’d known it long before he admitted it to himself.

And losing him had hurt—deeply—but he had survived it.

He could live without him.

But gods, he didn’t want to.

He knew in his heart that he loved that boy so bloody much, so much so that it pained his heart to be around him and not be able to share the little things that did bring him such happiness. The way Jay loved him, the overwhelming intoxication that being loved by him brought, the comfort of someone loving him unconditionally; oh but it wasn’t unconditional was it. Rain’s thoughts began to spiral, creating a knot of confusion within his chest.

“Aerth to Rain,” Emily said, waving a hand in front of his face.

Rain blinked, snapping back to the present, offering her the second apologetic smile of the day. “Sorry,” Rain murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m a little distracted today. But you’re right. You’re deserving of a happy king, and I did indeed feel lighter.”

He inhaled deeply, turning toward Emily more fully, the sincerity in his expression softening the sharp lines of his face.

“No… you know what, Emily?” he corrected himself, voice low but steady. “I feel lighter when I’m around you all. You help me look beyond myself—beyond the palace walls. That’s always been my reason for sneaking out. To experience life among everyday people. To meet mortals who aren’t obligated to serve me. I needed to know there was more to this existence than manipulation and control.”

His eyes glinted with something raw; passion, grief, gratitude all tangled together.

“I needed to know there was more to life than the horrors I endure by living through the emotions of others.”

Emily’s expression softened, but Rain didn’t notice.