Page 29 of Always the Lyon Tamer

Even if she wanted to, John was a part of her, especially now. But he had to understand.

“You—you are shy?”

Rebecca did not know why John looked so astonished. “Why do you think I chatter away, fill the awkward silences, struggle to allow anyone to get in edgeways?”

Why did she have to prostrate herself at John’s feet, remind him of all her faults? She was supposed to be angry with him!

“I talk when I am nervous, and no one wants to hear that. They just get bored of me, I can see it in their eyes. I am no fool,” said Rebecca, hating her mouth for running away but unable to stop it.

“I was never bored with you, Rebecca.”

John’s voice was soft, and he had taken another step toward her. She could hardly look at him. Her love was overwhelming, and she knew if she were not careful, she would move to be crushed in his arms, leaving all the pain and questioning behind.

But she couldn’t.There had been no declarations of love from John, nothing like that. All she wanted was John to love her. It did not have to be a perfect love—goodness knows, no one was perfect. But something. Some affection.

“Look, I made a promise to you,” said John quickly, his voice low. “And I intend to keep it. I will marry you.”

The temptation to merely accept, to nod, to move forward and kiss him and cry she had finally achieved her aim, swept over Rebecca.

But she couldn’t.

“No.”

John frowned. “What do you mean, no? You love me, don’t you?”

Rebecca did not deign to respond to such a question. “I…I care about you, John, but you never noticed me. You honor this promise in an attempt to make yourself feel better, for your sense of honor, and that is not the sort of marriage I—”

“That is not what I am—”

“You never really noticed me,” she said simply. “Even here, you did not recognize me, not after more than a year of… No, I will not marry you.”

“Damnit, Rebecca, this is what you wanted—I am giving you what you wanted!” John looked a little deranged, his hair all over the place, one hand to his temple as he stared. “This was your idea, all of it!”

“I know,” said Rebecca sadly. “And in a way, ’tis freeing to finally have this out. All these things I wanted to say but never had the courage to. Well, I have the courage now.”

John resumed his pacing, evidently unable to face her any longer, and Rebecca found herself sagging in the chair. The concentration she was forced to maintain so close to him…it was almost overwhelming.

But she would not be overwhelmed.She was the Lyon Tamer.

“I wanted to tame you, and you know…I think I have failed,” Rebecca said quietly as she rose. “I thought if you simply experienced me in a different way, you would…but I was wrong.”

It was time to leave.She could not stay here a moment longer, not with John pacing around like a caged lion, still half undressed. Her self-control could not hold forever, and if he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, she would certainly make promises that she would not be able to keep outside of the Lyon’s Den.

The Lyon’s Den.She had thought everything could be solved here, like some sort of perfect world.

But a visit to the Lyon’s Den was not a miracle. Not all problems could be solved by a visit—it had just made everything worse.

Rebecca grabbed her mask, which she had left on the desk by the door. Now John knew her wantonness, knew what she was willing to do to win him, now there was a chance there would be a child, and he knew she was no longer innocent…

She took a deep breath as she tried to calm her frantic mind.She needed to stay composed.Nothing could be gained by focusing on all the disasters of the evening.

She at least knew now where she stood with John, and that was not at the altar.

After sharing everything with him, all of herself, her fears, the truth of her shyness, her body…it wasn’t enough. Not to tempt him to make a genuine offer.

He did not want her. He did not love her. Naught but honor forced him to keep to his promise—a promise she had exacted without him even knowing her name.

“Where you are—wait!”