“Kayla, you don’t have to justify anything to me. I don’t care what you guys do. Well, Idocare, but I mean…” She taps a hand on the railing. “I care about Sid. He’s a good man. If he wasn’t so damn broody, I probably wouldn’t have dumped him.”
“Broody? I wouldn’t really call him—”
“See? You’re already more patient with him than I was,” she says with a laugh. “Just promise you won’t hurt him, okay?”
“My relationship with Sid isn’t your business.”
“I guess that’s fair.” She steps away from the railing. “I won’t tell Bradley about April. I think he’s on our side but, well… some things are better left secret.”
“Am I supposed to thank you for that?”
“No.” She sighs. “I know you don’t trust me. But so long as you’re good to him, I’m on your side, okay? Whether you like me or not. Just don’t hurt Sid.”
With that, she walks back toward the lights of the party. I stare after her retreating form, my breath growing more ragged as the full force of the conversation settles in. She knows. Those damn Sullivans. Our secret is in their hands and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I grab hold of the railing, suddenly weak at the knees as my brain scrambles to find a solution. What’s she expecting to get from us by keeping our secret? Is she going to ask for a favour? Make Sid do what she wants, once they’re in office? Ironically, the one thing she did ask of me is the only one I’m certain isn’t her true motive. Why would she worry about me hurting Sid? I can’t hurt him. He doesn’t love me, and she knows that now.
Sid’s heavy tread jerks me out of my thoughts. I look up to see his wide shoulders blocking out the noise and glow of Bradley Patterson’s world. I let go of the railing and collapse into his arms, praying this will ground me and stop the mounting panic attack that might otherwise take over.
“Hey. You okay?” he asks.
“No.”
“Shit. What happened? Amy said you needed me, but—”
“Amy?!” I cry her name out, then regret it. I don’t want to draw anyone else from the party while I’m shaking like this. Quieter, I ask, “Amy sent you?”
“Yeah.”
“Sid, she knows. She figured out everything about April and now sheknows.”
Sid’s body goes rigid against mine. It’s all too much to bear, so I bury my face into him, grateful for the chorus of ocean waves that help to drown out my stuttering lungs. As I choke back sobs, his grip tightens around me.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Did she say she would tell anyone?”
“No. She said she wouldn’t.”
“Okay. Then we’re okay.”
“No! We arenotokay. None of this is okay.” I look up at him, angry enough to regain control of my voice. “You expect me to trust her because you do?”
“Well…”
“How?” I demand. “How am I supposed to trust her?”
“Amy’s been helping us so far. She gave April that tour. She’s helped smooth things over with Bradley—”
“But what if she betrays you? What if someone tells you you’re safe and then one day—”
“I don’t know! How does anyone trust anyone? At somepoint, you decide to believe them,” says Sid. “Because as scary as it is, it’s worse being alone.”
Is it? I’m drowning in company these days, but I’ve never felt more anxious. I would be crashing out if I didn’t have Sid to hang onto. My arms slide from his waist to his neck, drawing him downwards, so that his spine curls around my body, enveloping me.
“You told me once that you trust me.” Sid’s voice is right by my ear. “If you can’t believe her, then maybe you could believe me? I wouldn’t put us into this situation if I didn’t think it would be okay.”
He reaches up to cradle my face. As one of his rough, calloused thumbs wipes a stray tear off my cheek, I gasp, and my nose fills with the scent of cedar trees and ocean waves and him. His breath is warm against my chin as he waits for my response. But words fail me. I answer him the only way that makes sense anymore.
I’ve never kissed him like this before. My mouth is eager and intentional. As his lips part, I’m hit by the taste of red wine and finally appreciate Bradley’s insistence on opening a good bottle. My arms tighten around him, forbidding any escape. Not that he tries. His thumb presses into my spine, steering me like he did when we danced at our wedding so that I fit more snuggly in his arms.
