“Are you serious?” he asks from behind me,closebehind me.
I use the wooden spoon to smell the potion. Peppermint overpowers my nose. Perfect. So it’s true. Kalyan can do pink magic. He’s an eight. “No, I’m only messing with you. It’s good.” When I go to sip the potion, Kalyan clutches my hand, which means he’s kind of half hugging me. “Wait, are you sure? I don’t want to poison you.”
His warmth is like a fever. I untangle myself, stepping away from our jumbled personal space. “Gods, I’m notthatbad a teacher,” I answer, praying he doesn’t notice how my body reacts to his. How I as a person react to him. Even still, I should be nicer. Let him in on how good of a wizard he is. But I’ve never been the reassuring type. Jatin, with his overwhelming cockiness, and our competition over the years kind of beat that out of me.
Kalyan, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have a problem complimenting others. “No, you’re a great witch.”
I pour myself a glass of the green sludge, careful to maintain my distance while eyeing him and his overwhelming sincerity. I mean, he’s always sincere, his facial expressions so open, his smile bright, but today…Even Prisha grumbles when I ask her to make me this potion. And I shudder imagining Jatin’s disdain if I ever inquired. I take a gulp, watching Kalyan watch me. This feels so normal, so relaxed.
My gut wrenches at a sudden thought. I don’t want him making this for his wife. I don’t want to think about how I’ve helped him woo her, like it…I shake my head.It didn’t affect you, Adraa. At all.
“It looks like it’s pretty disgusting,” he says as he leans against the countertop.
I try to recover. “With practice I’m sure you can fix that.” Gods, I cannot turn off my tongue. Even if I wanted to be kinder and to flirt I can’t.
“Well, I was thinking. Could you substitute something for the oil?” He scans the clinic, examining the jars and containers. “Or maybe add something. Sugar or, or, something to make it taste—”
“Kalyan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for this. You’re a kind person.” I meant only to thank him. That last bit just spilled out. It—
Kalyan gives me a weird look, as if he’s caught me in a lie. He bends toward me. “Kind, you say? Sonotan arrogant jerk?”
“I don’t know. I guess you can be both.”
He laughs. “Yeah, I suppose so. I suppose we all can be different depending on the situation or whom we are with.” His eyes find mine again. This time I don’t want to look away.
Adraa and I are friends now. I know that much for sure. Every day I will myself to tell her the truth and then life gets in the way. There’s a new mission, we need to scout the trading bazaar, or I have to read reports and hold meetings with Naupure rajas all day. Then Beckman betrayed her and I couldn’t do it, couldn’t bear her loathing.
Naively, I thought I would know when or if she liked me as more than a friend. Like I would just know? Ha! What was I thinking? As if I have a plethora of knowledge about this sort of thing. Sometimes I can’t see behind her wall of sarcasm and her determination to defeat the Vencrin.
But being her friend? It’s everything, a connection I never knew I could experience. It’s different from Kalyan and me, because every once in a while he reminds me how unequal we really are, even if I don’t want us to be. Adraa and I were equals from the start, equals at lying to each other, equals at camouflaging our identities, equals at feeling like the world is our responsibility to fix. I think I finally understand her. She has moved away from the land of supposedly, into reality. But then she discovered how to bunk in my heart, for free nonetheless. I don’t know how she did that, but I’m sure she didn’t mean to. Even if she had, it would have been an impulsive decision, like every decision she makes.
We might only be partners and nothing more for the rest of our lives. I can’t force her to like me like that and I would hate us together if it weren’t her choice. I just need to be observant enough to know when she has made her choice.
It’s hard, though, especially when most of the time I spend with her we watch the warehouse that might house firelight. Tonight, though, we’re finally breaking in.
Adraa and I perch on the edge of the neighboring roof, looking down at the huge arched building we’ve memorized by heart. Sweat beads behind my mask as a humid wind engulfs us.
To the north, over the mountains, lightning blazes in the sky. Thunder grumbles in the distance like a wild animal. But here, it’s warm and dewy and I can’t smell anything but sea salt. These are not the conditions we talked about.
“You still want to do this tonight?” I know what her answer will be, but I want to make sure, for posterity’s sake.
“Wehaveto do this.”
“Okay, then, let’s—”
Something sharp stabs between my shoulder blades. “Not a word. Not a spell,” a harsh voice whispers.
Beside me another wizard holds a knife to Adraa’s throat. My whole body tenses.
I straighten slowly, but my own assailant’s knife digs deeper. After weeks of gathering information and watching the empty bazaar from this very spot andnowwe’ve been discovered?Of all nights!
“Hands up,” the voice says. “Slowly.”
I obey, toggling between Adraa’s position and how fast I could cast. It doesn’t look good. Too risky. For a full minute the four of us stand, silent.
