I smile, then look out the window for a second. Why was I trying to make it a competition? I liked Kalyan, almost everything about him. In some weird, twisted part of my mind did I want to convey he was better than Jatin, better for me?
Kalyan doesn’t sense my troubles. “But really, he wants to help others. The avalanche in Alkin wasn’t for show. He flew as fast as he could and after he saved all those people he was…happy.”
I nod. Jatin’s letter flickers into my memory. “Yeah, happy enough to rub it in Adraa’s face.”
“How do you know about that?” He smirks again as if he’s caught me in something.
Blood. How would Jaya Smoke know about those letters? “Um.” Might as well tell the truth on this one too. “About a year ago the Belwar staff started opening all out-of-country mail after an attempted poisoning of a Belwar raja. A staff member read this…well, this love note.” I shrug. “Sadly, it kind of became a thing for Adraa to read them aloud. The other women think it’s true love or some crap.”
The color drains from Kalyan’s face. I think he must know about the secret messages. “What?” he says.
“But it’s all a joke. He did that, you know, probably to tease her, to make fun of her. It’s all pure competition between the two of them.”
He shakes his head. “Gods, I’m embarrassed…for him.”
I suck in a breath, wondering if I should ask something. When will I have a chance like this again, though? “What does Jatin think of Adraa, then? I mean really.” I wait, as I’ve never waited before.
“Well, she’s a little annoying.”
“Yeah.” I gulp my drink to offset how resigned my voice must sound.
I knew it!I knew the sneering face that joked about our loving relationship only joked because I repulsed him. I remember my younger self, so jealous of where he was, and I wasn’t, that I would constantly ask questions. I would try to trip him up on some form of magic I could do better than him. I think I would hate young Adraa Belwar too, with her insecurities splattered across the page and encoded in each line of text.
Adraa:I created water today, made it rain for a few minutes. Have you ever done that? Not just manipulated water but createdit?
Jatin:I do that all the time. Rain is easiest, but I’ve done all types of white magic precipitation too: snow, sleet, hail.
Kalyan pulls me out of the letters and back to the bar. “What? You’re going to agree? Just like that?”
“Oh, was that a joke? You were joking?”
“Of course.” He laughs as he shakes his head at me. “Here, let’s make a deal. I’ll answer a question about Jatin if you answer one about Adraa.”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because they’re our employers. Their happiness is practicallyourhappiness.” He sounds like Riya.I want a good raja to serve,she had said. My marriage really is important, affects thousands of people. Talking about this without telling Kalyan my identity is wrong. But I would love to know his perspective on Jatin, and Jatin’s perspective on me. And I’ll never have an advantage like this again.
“Okay, deal.”
“So what’s Adraa like really?”
“Well, she’s good at magic.” I mimic Kalyan’s tone and attempt to duplicate his low voice, but kind of fail. I was trying to be funny, but instantly grow uneasy at the lie. I can’t say I’m good at magic, because Jatin is already a raja, while I might fail at being a rani. An emotional tidal wave tumbles over my face before I can wash it away.
“What’s wrong? That was good. The voice might need some work, though.” He smiles and I can’t help but smile back a little.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I gulp back the emotional wreckage of my life.
He places his chin in his hands. “Please tell me.”
Heiskind. Those eyes want to know; he cares about me regardless of my position. Why does that have to be so nice? I should tell him who I am.
“You trained with Jatin at the academy, right?” I blurt out.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Will you train with me?”
“You want to train with me?” He jerks up and points at himself.
