“Mom, it’s okay. I wanted it. I wanted to be a rani. I wanted to change Belwar for the better. I even wanted to marry Jatin one day. But now—”
“You can still do those things.”
“But I failed.” The words ring ugly and then burrow, allowing a nasty seed of negativity to spring forward and grow. I failed. Failed.
“You saved the country. That isn’t failure. And you will continue to save us.” She lifts my head, casting a calming pink mist as she wipes the tears from my cheek. “That’s what the Red Woman fights for, right?”
I freeze, the flush of shame turning cold.What did she just—
“You—you know?”
Her small smile says enough. Her nod says even more. She knows. She knows and she’s not yelling.
“How…?”
“First, I’m your mother. Second, I’m much more than a medic around here. Who do you think hired Beckman? Who do you think sent Hiren and those trusted guards the night of that raid? Half of the people who line up outside the clinic are informants.”
My Gods! I jump to my feet and pace. My mother…mymother…this whole time…“So basically you’re telling me you not only know my secret but also everyone’s in Belwar?” What had Prisha once said? Mom was trapped in the clinic, treated as a woman obligated to create potions and nothing more?
She rises. “Maybe not all of Belwar.” A pause, a small shake of her head. “Please, don’t think you have failed because even with all my intel I didn’t know about Mount Gandhak or your firelight. That day you came to the palace with Jatin I knew you must be on the hunt for Moolek and I stopped you, guided you to the clinic out of fear. So if anyone has failed, Adraa, one could point the finger at me.”
I’ve always thought my mother only cared how I was presented to the world. But this? This is way more than beauty and etiquette. I shake my head, trying hard to realign what I know. “I don’t blame you. I feel like a part of me should be mad, but after everything that’s happened…” Something hits me then and I whirl around. Beckman was her man. She protected me and yet…“But now I’m sure you’re wrong. You think you allowed me only one path, but you let me find myself out there.” My mother allowed me to understand I was fierce Jaya Smoke as much as I was Lady Adraa Belwar.
She presses her hand to my cheek, smiling. “Well, I’m quite fond of the Red Woman.”
I hug her and for one crystal clear moment the failure and the rumors and the devastation slip away and I’m just a witch. Not a deformed heir drowning under expectations. Not an innocent monster sinking under blame. A witch, accepted for being and rising above both. I can feel the power in that.
“And, Adraa?”
“Yes?”
“I like your partner too.” Mom lays Jatin’s letter on my bedside table. “You taught him well, by the way. If he ever wants to work in the clinic he has my approval.” She holds up a small jar, nods, and places it on the bedside table with a light clink before she closes the door behind her. I walk over out of curiosity at first, and I’m not disappointed for my effort. A note tied around the jar’s lid readsThought you might need this soon.Unscrewing the cap, I find the potion I taught Jatin to settle my cramps. Good Gods. He makes ithardto not love him.
When I can finally face it, I rip open the envelope and peer at the words:To the girl who has many names, but favors the color pink above all others.
Below that it’s blank.
“Gharmaerif,”I cast, and with heat illuminating the message, I read my first real love letter.
The vigil is held two weeks after Adraa and I climbed Mount Gandhak and she reclaimed her firelight and saved us all. I stand on the volcano, alone. Layers of black sludge wrinkle the landscape. Down below a forest of trees spreads horizontally, a sea of broken stumps with no sign of greenery until it reaches the ocean, where the mountain slips away. From up here I have a perfect view of both Adraa’s and my cities. From here I can see just how far the ash fell and the lava flowed. Brocade banners flutter over both cities, memorials to the fallen.
Night begins to drain the sky of its color, but the sun fights back, staining the heavy clouds with orange. It’s peaceful as people gather in the streets, each holding a candle against the dark. It takes a moment to fathom that each little spot of light is a citizen. Belwarians to my right; Naupurians to my left. Once, seeing all that life, for which I’m responsible, would have driven uneasiness into my gut. Now, all I can feel is gratitude that so many little fires light up the coming darkness.
One day soon, my uncle will pay for the one hundred twenty-nine people who make it darker. Who, days ago, would have used the brighter and more reliable firelight instead of inferior candles.
I’m so distracted by the thought I don’t spot Adraa until she lands next to me, the wind snapping at her skirt. We stare at each other until she pulls out my letter and the potion I made for her. “You know in any normal situation this is a weird birthday gift,” she says with a smile.
Happiness engulfs me. I had thought with everything she might…I didn’t know what to think. Only that she didn’t want to see me. “I’ll do better next year.”
She laughs. “The fact that you even know my schedule…” She holds up my letter. “Though I think I’ve learned something even more interesting today.”
I step toward her, closing the distance between us. “What’s that?” I ask.
“All these years I thought you were trying to be corny when you sent me thoselove letters.But youarethat corny.” She looks down and reads. “Though ‘punched me to my senses’ sounds a little harsh. Can we finally acknowledge it was a slap at best?”
I shrug. “Punchedmakes a better story, and I had to go with tradition or you might not have believed the letter was from me.”
I like this. I like that we can be ourselves once more, as if nothing has changed. But then again, everything has changed. We stand on a wasteland. I take another step forward. “But the corny part probably proves I always knew I loved you.”
