“Yes.” She shakes her head. “But you haven’t been friends before. And now you want more friends to be angry with?”
“Oh no, my child. We were once very good friends, more than friends. That’s why you’re here.”
She steps closer. “Has she been kissing on you? Lord Mark and Georgina are downstairs in the music room. They kiss when they don’t think anyone’s looking.”
“Well, they are very friendly,” Katherine says. Her cheeks are turning fiery red.
“But they are married,” Lydia insists. “You two going to marry someone else? That’s not normal.”
Katherine looks at me. “Our bright daughter has a point.”
I wave for Lydia to come closer. She puts her thumb on my forehead. “It’s dry. Guess no kisses. You don’t make her laugh like Tavis. He’d come back from visiting his parents looking wild, but he’d say something to make Katherine giggle. She’d kiss his forehead and send him to bed.”
“No. No laughter. We’ve been having serious conversations.” I take my daughter by the hand, lead her to my bed and snuggle her next to me under the covers. Then I wave to Katherine and hand herPride and Prejudice. “Finish reading a chapter or two. That’s normal, a friend reading to friends.”
“Of course,” Katherine says. Her tone sounds resigned, even disappointed. Then she grins as she pulls up the bedclothes to Lydia’s chin. “You two look cozy.”
She begins to read and falls into character voices, to Lydia’s delight. Our child yawns and gets more comfortable. My Lidochka is precious. Katherine’s not looking at us—Lydia and me. Her countenance seems deeply drawn to the pages.
I understand wanting to protect her from shame or the actions of my enemies. This is why I can forgive her for most things.
Most, but maybe not all.
Katherine clearly wants to reconcile, and though I want her and have forgiven everything in the past, I don’t know how we work together.
And this little one. Lydia deserves a brother who will inherit my title and have the power to protect her. What would my father think if I gave up his legacy? There should be another Duke of Torrance, right?
Katherine makes more funny voices for Charlotte Lucas and her sister Maria. The way her lips part fascinates me. When she licks them, I feel an ache in my gut. Luckily, the fidgeting Lydia punches me in my stomach.
“Sorry, Papen’ka.” She hugs my neck. “You alright? I didn’t hurt you?”
I hold her tightly and hum until she settles. “Always good when you’re with me.”
Glassy-eyed, Katherine swallows hard.
My gaze strokes hers. The three of us are all so afraid of hurting. We have to live. “Your mother and I decided to throw a ball for your birthday.”
“A ball? Do I get to dress up like a Russian princess? Do I get a special wish?”
“Everything you want,” Katherine says. “Your father will make it happen.”
This tone sounds confident, but it is a lie. Why can’t she see the longing in my soul? It needs Katherine. I need her to believe that I can do anything, like make her happy and live.
Unlike Darcy, I’m not writing an explanation of my actions. The woman I love should know who the hell I am. I’ll manage my struggles alone until I can’t get out of this bed.
Chapter 29
KATHERINE—GATHER THEGIRLS
Sitting at my vanity, I put on an emerald-colored bonnet. “Lada, I wish to look beautiful for Jahleel. I want him to be proud … proud of the disgraced bigamist seated next to him and Lydia in his fine carriage.
“I feel hopeless, Lada.”
She purrs and waggles her tail like she approves of the dark green color of my dress.
“Thank you, my sweet.”
How I look doesn’t matter if Jahleel only wants friendship.
