“‘I have never been much in love; for had I really experienced that pure and elevating passion, I should at present detest his very name and wish him all manner of evil.’”
“That’s dreadful. Katherine, how am I to sleep? You’re a woman talking of love, passion, and evil?”
I reach his knee and give the fastened buckle of his dark pantaloon a little jiggle. “I think that is Elizabeth talking about Wickham. I recall that he’s the villain.” I flip ahead more pages. “Here’s a safe spot. Elizabeth has gone to visit her old friend Charlotte Lucas. She married the clergyman, Mr. Collins.”
Jahleel rubs his temples. “But she was the smart one. Why would she marry a fool?”
“You know that there are different reasons for marriage. When you and I marry again, these will be ones of convenience. Hopefully, both situations will turn into love.”
“Yours will, if you keep smiling, not fretting, Katia.”
I close the book. “So you want me here every night just for reading? That wasn’t a euphemism?”
“Why wouldn’t I say what I wanted?” He crosses his arms with lips pouting that mirror of Lydia’s. My heart stops for a moment. Then I grin.
“Why are you smiling, Katherine?”
“Your mouth. That expression. That’s Lydia’s pout. How many times have I seen the resemblance or one of you mimic the other and not been able to mention it? I can say it. Feel like singing it.”
A smile fills his face, reaching his eyes. Then he sobers. “This was a good first time.”
He yawns. “You go on to your room. Rest. We try again tomorrow. I will get the correct page number from Scarlett. I’m going to find out why the smart woman married a fool.”
He sends me back to the closet and the secret door. I can’t believe the change in him. Or that Jahleel is still searching for answers as to why I married a friend.
Or maybe it’s the changes in me. Freedom from all the lies helps me see more clearly. Jahleel is not the ogre I and others tried to twist him into. He’s quite decent, quite lovely.
“Good night, Jahleel.”
“Until tomorrow, Lady Hampton.”
When I make it into my room, I lean against the connecting door wishing he’d kept me a little longer, giving us both more time.
Chapter 21
JAHLEEL—GETTINGBACK TONORMAL
It’s been two weeks since I faced my mortality. In my bedchamber, I’m still afraid to dress for bed, but I’ve found pantaloons more comfortable to sleep in than breeches.
Mr. Steele ordered these dark ones with silver threading at the waistband and knees. They make me look as if I’m heading for a formal event, not to sleep.
My days are simple. I stay in my bedchamber, write, read correspondence, and enjoy time with my daughter. Lydia is everything.
“And Mrs. Cantor says my math is good. Twelve plus twelve is twenty-four.” Lydia dances and spins, telling me about her lessons. We often have dinner together by my fireplace.
When I look at my little girl celebrating life, it feels like a royal occasion.
“Papen’ka, are you better?”
“Da,” I say to the innocent cherub. I fold my arms and lean back against my headboard. “I’m vastly improved.”
I hate to admit it, but Scarlett’s weeds may have made a difference. Of course, it could be hearing such love in my daughter’s voice that’s helping me rebound. Or it might even be the mistress who visits faithfully at ten to read me to sleep.
“I’m learning the Russian alphabet. Well, I am trying. It’s very confusing. Katherine told me to learn a little bit at a time. That’s a good plan.”
I sit up. “Your mother came to your lessons?”
“Yes. She always comes now.” Lydia’s tone sounds excited as if I’ve missed something obvious. “She sits in the library watching me and Princess Grama.” Lydia bites her lip. “She’s been good. Don’t tell her I told.”
