Her eyes are large even in the bright candlelight. And she was so good about being still waiting for Thom’s surgery to finish. “I will tell you. It was at a ball.”
“Like Cinderella, or Papen’ka’s Vasilisa?”
“Sort of, but there were no wicked stepmothers. And I wasn’t poor. In fact, I was such a rarity that some thought I was a princess.”
“I knew it. I knew it had to be special.”
“Yes, he rescued me from the guards trying to keep me out. They told me I didn’t belong. He let them know differently. Then we danced. And I knew I was in love when he spun me in his arms.”
The wiggle worm leaps from my lap and spins like she’s dancing with someone. Then she stops in front of me. “Then why did you let him go?”
I swallow hard. “I forced myself to stop loving him. I believed the lies people told.”
“That’s horrible. Lies are bad. Other Grama and Princess Grama would agree.”
“They are, baby, but I was young and free and afraid of losing someone who is sick. I wasn’t very brave. I thought our life would be nothing but sickness. I didn’t want my world to be just us and sorrow.”
She nods, but I don’t think she can understand. I look back now and don’t understand how willingly I threw away happiness and years Jahleel and I will never get back. Yet I guess I just did it all over again.
“Princess Grama said you thought he didn’t tell you on purpose about being sick. Someone you marry has to be honest.”
I fold my arms over my beating, hurting heart. “I know now the duke didn’t truly know. And it was selfish of me to blame him for getting sick sometimes.”
“Yes. It’s not his fault. I don’t want to be sick either.” She pouts a little. Then she peers up at me. “Is that why you didn’t want to be my mother? Because I get sick?”
I lift her into my arms and hold her so tightly. “I always wanted you. I ache every time you’re sick. And I thought your being ill was punishment for how I treated your father. I should be punished, not you, not him. I am so sorry. Sorry.”
“Why should you suffer?” She puts fingers in my tears. Then those little arms go around my neck. I feel her little heart beating, stronger than when she was born. “Why should anyone suffer?”
“Don’t know. Not fair.”
I kiss her cheek. Her birthday was weeks ago, but we haven’t celebrated enough that she’s lived another year. “People have different burdens. Your Aunt Georgina can sing like an angel, but she’s one of the shyest women. No one but Lord Mark will ever hear her voice.”
“Lord Mark is nice. He loves Georgie, so that’s a gift to him.”
“Your Aunt Scarlett has a burning desire to heal the world. But there aren’t enough cures.”
“But new uncle lets her try. That’s a gift, too. If you think long and hard enough, you will see that you and Papen’ka have gifts for each other.”
I set her down and finish plaiting her last braid. “Did he ask you to say that?”
“No. I’m smart. I come from both of you.”
“You are our miracle. I love you, Lydia Jahleelovna Charles. I’m so grateful that you are my daughter.”
A cough makes me look at the door. One of Princess Elizaveta’s servants has opened it, and she stands there. “There you are.”
“Enter, ma’am. Were you looking for Lady Lydia? She’s been with me.”
“Yes, Princess Grama. I’m with Katherine. I really like her again.”
“Her name is Mama, or Mamen’ka, Lydia. You’ll show her respect and address her as such.” The princess’s tone sounds firm.
Lydia sits up straight. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you, Princess Elizaveta.”
She nods. “My son has told me of the agreement you two have to find new spouses. I disapprove. No marrying strangers. You don’t know what you get with strangers. I’d rather keep you.”
