Felton caught her hand. “You can sometimes. We’re going back to Warwick. That was our home in the beginning. That’s when you were happiest.”
“You still don’t know me.” Cecilia shook her head. “Nor do you know what I want.”
“Well, it’s not sleep—you seem energized and emotional, Cilia.”
“Sleep sounds good, my lord.” Hugging tightly to her bundle, she sped away. This time down an alley.
And he gave chase.
There was no way he was going to let her go. No way at all.
CHAPTER38
CECILIA—BITTERSWEETSURRENDER
Cutting though the first alley, then the second, I hastened my speed. I wasn’t trying to lose Felton. I’d given him my word. I merely didn’t want him to see me cry.
Yet, my tears forced me to slow. I couldn’t see.
It might be the tension of working so hard and not sleeping. Or having to defend my art to a buzzard. Or breaking my vow to stop lying to myself. Felton, after all these months, loved me. I wasn’t supposed to be moved by it.
The confession shouldn’t, shouldn’t make me wobbly.
He shouldn’t be in love, not now.
Not after everything that happened.
Not after what I’d done.
At the door to my flat, I reached the pull, but Felton blocked me, and his handkerchief went into my hand.
“Cilia, I made a bargain with you, and I’ll keep it. I will draft a legal separation, but my truth needed to be said. I can’t keep secrets from you anymore.”
Mopping my cheeks, I saw Felton, his blank face, stone chin. His ever assessing eyes seemed to frown. I saw his heart in the sea of blue-black. I’d hurt him, for he had to see I could no longer say the same to him.
“We still have our bargain, Cecilia. You and your party will come with me to Warwick. You will see Tramel. Then I’ll do as you want.”
Nodding, I folded his handkerchief on the seams. “Yes, to visit Tramel. Meet you in two hours on Brydges.”
“Cilia.” He grabbed my hand when I offered his cloth. “Let me come inside and wait. Or let me walk you to your door. I want to make sure you’re safe. You don’t know how I’ve tortured myself every day wondering about you.”
“It’s safe in here.”
“Please.”
“You trust me, Felton?”
“Well, you did leave me, before . . . but I do.”
“How could I stay with all the mistrust? No one in your family wanted me there and then you thought the worst of me. I know we married for convenience, but those words said before God meant something.”
He ran a hand through his hair; his locks were thick on his shoulders. Unbrushed, it looked wild in the morning light. “My cousin said something daft, and I’m a jealous fool. It wasn’t rational and the attention the duke showed you made me crazed. And envious. I hated how he could make you smile when I couldn’t.”
“Tramel is my only friend. He helped me smile when I had nothing but sadness. He’s always protected me. That’s why you should know that I’ll go with you. My party and I need to pack.”
“Tramel says that you hate my cousin Gladstone. Did he do something to you that December? He was bleeding that day.”
“Jeremiah Gladstone should’ve bled out, slaughtered like a pig.”
