“A week and a half, almost two depending upon the state of your party. I just did the trip with Amelia and Agatha. With the stops and starts, it took ten days. We won’t be traveling with little ones, right?”
If Felton used his connections to learn I’d sold art in the market, he probably knew where I lived. He might even know about Enna and Noah.
Color stained his cheeks, but his smile was small and set to unreadable as he said, “I see that brow furrowing. Bring your party with us. If a second carriage is needed, I’ll get one. Everyone will be cozy.”
There was a time at the beginning when we met, when we left Demerara as a newly married couple, that I knew Felton’s thoughts. I didn’t know this look.
He buttoned his greatcoat. “I’ll bring back coffee and some sort of hearty roll. Maybe a bit of cheese if I’m lucky, or the toast. That will keep you energized and help you to complete your work.”
“Thank you, my lord.”
He stopped at the edge of the stage. “Is it your sister who will be joining us? I look forward—”
“She’s dead, Felton. I didn’t get to her in time.”
“Cilia, I’m so sorry.”
Palm lifted and flat like a shield to bat away hollow words, I nodded. “Not as sorry as me. I let my sister down, and it’s my fault. I chased adventure without her. I didn’t live up to my promise.”
“It was the war, Cecilia. That’s not your fault.”
“Like I said, I went to Demerara and returned. The war still rages.”
Even at this distance I saw his coat sleeve ripple. He yanked at the door. “Illegally breaking the blockade is not something to brag about. You could’ve been killed.”
“It was worth the risk if I’d saved Helena. She didn’t die alone, but in my arms. I suppose that’s something.”
Felton clasped his fingers like in a prayer, but what could he do? Pray for her resurrection? Give thanks for Noah, the boy I’d never, ever let a Gladstone or a Lance control?
I touched my rumbling stomach. “A roll would be nice but save the dispassionate speech. I don’t want to argue. My emotions are for my art.”
“Cecilia, don’t be fooled by a calm exterior. I’m mortified. I know how you loved your sister. I failed you and Helena. If I’d known she was sick—”
My glare silenced him.
She didn’t die from a cold or weakness. She died bringing life into the world, the seed of a man who betrayed her. I couldn’t share a word of this. Felton’s family had power. They could take Noah and could even return him to enslavement. Would never risk my boy to prove a point.
Looking down, Felton rubbed at his chin then sought my eyes again. “I’m glad she wasn’t alone and that you decided to return to England. You could’ve stayed. Coming back means you know that your place is here.”
“The art brought me back.”
“At least you didn’t say you came back for Tramel.” He went down the steps then came back up. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve done something to help.”
“When? Between your visits to your dear friends or Department of War and the Colonies missions? What would you have said differently to support my family? Wait longer than May, so Helena could die alone?”
Fat braids fell from my chignon like a veil. Then I realized I was shaking. Putting my arms about myself, I bent my head. “You won’t understand. Thank you for the coffee. Make sure it’s hot.”
“I will get piping hot coffee, because I know how you like it. I’ve studied what you like. It’s my pleasure to do so. But I wish you’d studied me, then you’d know how I ache for you and am dying inside for everything you’ve endured. Don’t think I didn’t care. That’s very wrong.”
The heat and bitterness in Felton’s tone was new.
I’d never heard him angered, not since the day he jumped into Tramel’s face because he believed Gladstone’s lies of an affair.
With a shrug I started to paint. “It’s nice to care but better to have passion and choose a side. The duke did.”
“Of course he would. He’ll always do something self-serving or morally wrong. The laws be damned. How can you be in his sphere, Cilia, and not see the corruption? His sins will burn you.”
“There’s beauty in ashes. And there’s something to say about a man who openly asks for forgiveness of past misdeeds and means it.”
