It couldn’t be that simple, but I was here with my sister in her final moments because of the duke. His men guided boats through the British blockades for me. “I think there is something bigger than love, Helena. Respect. No man since Papa has treated me so well or done so much for me, for us.”
My insides felt tight. My stomach twisted. I was glad that Tramel hadn’t come. I’d spent too much time with him. Nothing improper or indecent, but a soul can get use to endless kindness. Longing can be kindled when dark eyes see you as beautiful and whole.
Distance and perspective might fix my heart. When Gantry formally ended this marriage, I’d like to be friends. When I found a way to disgrace his cousin Jeremiah Gladstone, and expose the fiend for his evil, I didn’t want there to be hard feelings between us—Felton and me.
“Make sure my Noah knows them. This Tramel and Lord Gantry, they are his family. They have to protect his birthright.”
“You can do it. We, you and Noah and me, can get on a boat in the morning. Tramel will know what to do.”
She patted my hand as if to comfort me. “You and Noah. You two. You’ll do it.”
Helena was dying. I didn’t need to be pacified. I needed a miracle. “I left everything to go to a new world. Then I left Lord Gantry to find my place. But I have to get you to English shores, so you and Noah will be free again. Then we’ll find our spot together.”
Helena opened her eyes. “Chari, when you close your eyes, who do you see? Who is it that your heart wants?”
Couldn’t close my eyes. Sometimes it made me dizzy, especially when everything was loud. Yet in this moment, I was afraid of who’d be painted upon my lids. “Can think of nothing but this family, ours.”
Her forehead glistened. Beads of sweat hung on her lip. She was in such pain. “Chari, don’t fret. You need your strength for what’s to come.”
It was impossible to put my sister’s words into my heart, not with it breaking. I’d arrived too late to rescue her.
The growling sound returned. That jaguarete was hungry and I had no Roman soldier to protect us or to offer as a sacrifice.
“Gladstone said if I bore a boy, I’d have Gantry’s heir. You go back to your husband and Noah will have such honor.”
My head shook like it was a puppet on a string. “I can take care of us.”
“Then go to Tramel.”
Ridiculous. Before I could correct her, a bark wailed in the air. That wasn’t a jaguarete.
Oh no! The dogs should’ve given up. The slave trackers didn’t like the deep woods. They feared the Obeah ghosts hidden in the trees. Evil men should be feasted upon by the snarling beasts.
Feast.
Beastly beefsteak.
I wish I’d had a nicely charred cut of the meat, with potatoes or a piece of sweet black cake or dip of breadfruit stew with salted cod.
“Your stomach, Chari, is talking. When my friend Quamina, the church deacon, comes back, maybe he’ll have something for you to eat.”
“You need to eat, Helena. You need food to gain strength and to feed this little one.”
Her cough raged. She fought for air until her lungs settled. “Quamina brings a wet nurse for the babe. He knows I’m not going to make it. Take her to freedom in my stead.”
My palm to her forehead burned. Her skin was warmer than Felton’s. “Don’t give up. It’s you and me. I should never have left you.”
“You’ve always followed your heart. Never question it. Never doubt it. You’re owed happiness. Close your eyes, Chari. Don’t watch me go to the shadows.”
But what if my heart doesn’t know what’s right? I rubbed my elbows and stared at my sister. “A little late for me to start listening now.”
Helena covered her face with her sweat-stained sleeve. “Sleep, Chari.”
Watching her suffer, struggling to breathe, if I closed my eyes, I’d be in Felton’s garden taking the opportunity to kill Gladstone. I’d do it this time or allow Tramel to do so.
The newborn between us lay bundled in a tartan blanket. I’d wrapped his little bottom in mud cloth—not awful osnaburg, the fabric of the enslaved.
“Promise me, Cecilia Charity Lance, the Lady Gantry, that you will raise him with honor.” My sister’s eyes were open, burning, intense.
