“Liverpool. I was going to beseech him again for his help, to see if you were in Demerara. Had I known you were there to kill Gladstone, I would’ve stopped you. Too many witnesses.”
Squinting at him, she looked stunned. Perhaps she was musing that he indeed would teach her to kill. Stretching his arms to the seat back, he said, “Why don’t you rest a little more? I need to think about your training.”
She tucked her feet up onto the seat, carefully taking her boots off. Cecilia had the smallest feet.
To change the subject or divert his thoughts, Felton placed her cold toes onto his lap. With his thumbs, he began a small massage to her soles.
Cecilia cuddled into the blanket and kept his jacket close. “Your missions truly were missions.”
He shrugged. “I never lied to you.”
“And you kept putting yourself at risk. What of Agatha and Amelia, even Lady Jane? How would they manage without you?”
“Tramel would provide. Then there was you.”
“That’s a job for family. I’m not that.”
“Why do you feel like that? You’re family. And your feet don’t perspire. They must be very cold.”
“They are ice, but I’m not family.” Snuggling against the seat, she propped her neck onto her folded hands. “No, I was a dowry and adventure. Not much of that with you leaving all the time.”
“It was in service to my country. I made a difference. British interests around the world depend upon men like me doing what must be done.”
“That’s honorable, Felton,” she said with a yawn. “I never said you weren’t that, but you have no concept of what it is for a woman to depend upon a man who’s always leaving. I wonder if that’s what made Helena desperate.”
She moaned a little when he pressed on the ball of her little foot.
“Cilia, my job for the Department of War and the Colonies is done. I’m here. You can depend on me. We can build a home.”
“How? I wasn’t in charge atyourhouse in London. I had more autonomy in Warwick.”
“London was our house. It was to be ours away from Tramel, and truthfully it kept me closer to Whitehall to serve Liverpool, but we could find another place.”
She shrugged. “London was Jane’s more than it ever was mine. The Department of War and the Colonies. No wonder the girls were so scared when you left. Did they know?”
“No. Only Tramel knew. Tramel and Watson.”
“Should’ve told Jane. She thought you had a mistress.”
How could he prove that he’d been faithful, that he dreamed of Cecilia and only Cecilia? “I’ve spoken to Jane. She knows my disapproval. I’ll make her apologize.”
Cecilia spun and put back on her boots. “There’s no need for that. It doesn’t matter.”
“Some things matter. You left us for almost a year. I’m asking forgiveness and offering it with no conditions. Your dear friend Tramel would never forgive such betrayal.”
Her gaze went to the floor, probably to the picnic basket. “Don’t forgive me. Hold it against me. You’re about to become the duke. I suppose you could use the practice in his ways.”
“You mean practice in being vile?”
“Practice in having passion about something. He’s not a perfect man, but he does the things he believes in. He protects those he loves.”
“He loves you, not me. I think that’s the difference.”
“Tramel has said he wishes things were different in regard to you.”
“He’d have killed me in the womb so that my mother might’ve lived.”
Sitting up, she put a hand to her mouth. Then she reached for him and drew his head to hers. “You’ve never said that, Felton. I’m sorry. That’s a horrible thing.”
