“Don’t. That would be a waste of a treasure.”
My cheeks felt hot again. “And hopefully you’ve come to know I’d never hurt my child. That I’m not crazy.”
“Why would I think you crazy? Because I met you dressed like a man?”
I closed my eyes, held my breath, then decided to blurt out the horrible truth. “Because Markham locked me away in Bedlam so that I’d never have custody of Lionel. Do you know what it’s like to be put away from society like you have no purpose and ripped away from the only thing that matters?”
He flinched, but not from pain. Something else.
If it was pity, I wanted none of it. I only wanted Lionel.
“R-Repington,” I said in a tone that didn’t demur,r’s rolling. I needed him to know I was his equal. “Do you understand why I had to deceive you? I’d risk everything to be back in Hamlin caring for my son.”
“Why tell me now? You’re good at your deceptions. You could have kept at it.”
I brushed at my loosed hair and stared into his eyes. They were cloudy like blue bottle glass. “Because I’m tired of deceiving you. Because I think if I haven’t proven to you that I can be trusted I never will. Because you love Lionel as I do.”
His face hardened, muscles tensing.
I was dizzy and tired of standing, but sitting next to him didn’t seem right.
“You are here for custody? Do you mind if I have these documents authenticated? I fought too hard to assure the boy’s safety to be easy with it now. Did Lady Shrewsbury know of this ruse? Who is St. Maur? The countess’s sister?”
The Widow’s Grace could not be unmasked. “I take responsibility for my actions. Jemina’s no relation to the countess. She’s an honorable widow, like me until Markham forced my hand.”
“Lionel is not going anywhere, and I need to determine what to believe.”
“This will now work to your favor. When Wellington recalls you, you’ll know Lionel is safe with his mother.”
“No one has made a decision on anything. I have custody of Lionel. That hasn’t changed.”
I wanted to press him, but how could I, dropping this secret upon him. Though I felt free, he looked confused.
My heart stilled. I clasped my elbows. “I expect nothing less. You shall twist over every aspect until you’ve come to the right decision, the only one. You know what I’m saying is true.”
He set the trust documents down and rubbed his chin, the light stubble that had tickled my cheek.
“If this is the truth, you’ve deceived me twice. How long were you going to keep up this charade?”
“As long as I could stand you ordering me around and telling me how to care for my own flesh and blood. I needed to prove I’m no danger.”
“Well, you’re dangerous, but not to Lionel.”
I didn’t understand why he had a distinction, but I wouldn’t argue with him.
“And Lionel’s part my flesh and blood, too, via Colin. And I haven’t done so badly.”
Emboldened, I dared to touch him again and smoothed his lapel. “You have done wonderfully. If Colin were here and thinking clearly, I think he’d be proud of how good you’ve been to his son. I am.”
“He wouldn’t be proud of you kissing me or me returning the favor.” He stared into my eyes. “Are you sure you’re not in love with me, even a little?”
“No more than you love me, R-Repington. Everyone knows that’s not possible. You don’t believe in such sentiment.”
The duke’s smile returned, one that made his countenance seem more at ease, more kissable. Then it disappeared. “What’s not possible? For me to love or for me to love you?”
“Does it matter? We have a common problem. Lionel’s custody.”
“Lionel’s no problem. We’ll figure this out. Colin made me that little boy’s guardian. I’ll not be remiss of my duty.”
