“Your husband, how did he die—sickness, the war, old age?”
“Sickness.” That was a way to put it that sounded nice and noble, not wrenching to my gut or difficult and guilt-ridden.
The duke clasped my fingers. “Mrs. LaCroy, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Was I? I touched my wet cheeks. “My husband’s death was unexpected.”
“How would you have told your child about him?”
This was so personal. I leaped up. “Enough. I beg you, please stop these questions. They’re intrusive.”
The duke clasped his palms together as if in prayer, a supplicant’s prayer to some English god of nosiness. The African and island ones knew better than to pick at scabs.
“I meant no offense.”
“Truly?” I folded my arms, glaring at the man who could banish me, but the right words, the appeasing ones defied my tongue. “You did cause offense. Meaning and doing are two different things.”
“I apologize, Mrs. LaCroy. I just know someday that little boy upstairs will ask about his father. As a mulatto child, his path will be more difficult. I don’t want to say something to make things worse or to not be the encourager he’ll need.”
In Demerara, with my father’s wealth, the boy would be a prince. “Perhaps you should send him to a place where he’ll be respected.”
“Send him away or trot the boy out for parties to show him off, pretending to be a saintly mother.”
“Mother?”
He hooked his palm about the base of his neck like he’d developed a headache. “Please sit, Mrs. LaCroy. I’m going to have to tell himsomething. I know nothing of his mother other than she was a plantation owner’s daughter. I grew up with a sickly father, a strong grandfather, but my cousin, poor Lionel’s father . . . He committed suicide.”
I sat stunned at the anguish in his voice. “I’m sorry, Your Grace. There was talk that Jordan’s finances were careless, that Markham forced him into unwise financial schemes.”
A deep, dry sigh escaped the duke. “Careless finances are not heroic and not worth the sacrifice of a life. It’s not the same as dying for God, king, and country.”
The edge in his words mirrored my hurt and how often I had to balance my sadness with selfishness—it was selfish of Colin to leave us, selfish of me to want him to stay when he was so unhappy.
I sank against the chair, letting the angel’s harp be my spine. “I wish Colin Jordan had been more heroic, like you or the men you employ.”
The duke rubbed his jaw. “I’m not a hero. I was lucky. I had a duty to perform. That kept me going, but I understand the disappointments that can make a man think his life is worthless. The struggle is hard. Some don’t make the right choice. I wish I had been available to help my cousin.”
“You’ll find the words.” Not that I intended to let Lionel stay in England that long. I twisted my apron, but all I could see was my white stationery and that last letter I’d written to my husband—telling him my hurts, all of them. I shouldn’t have written it. He couldn’t withstand the truth.
My cheeks burned, then a leak from my eyes put out the flames. I hadn’t thought of how to tell Lionel about Colin. I didn’t want my boy to think ill of his papa. Or that my letter had killed him.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. LaCroy. I didn’t mean—”
Swatting at my tears, I waved at the duke before he could offer platitudes. Evidence of Markham’s conspiracy would prove that his scheme caused Colin’s death, not me. He was the last to be with Colin. Markham had to be the final stone that forced my husband into the depths of the Thames.
“Mrs. LaCroy?”
“Tell Lionel his father was sick, and the sickness led him to be misguided. That he sunk to a place no love could reach him. And that if he lived, he would’ve loved Lionel. Tell the precious boy that.”
A handkerchief dangled in front of my face. I took it and wiped my tears.
When I looked up, I saw my reflection in the duke’s clear blue eyes. His gaze held me in place.
I felt caressed, embraced, understood.
But the man hadn’t moved.
His arms were mercifully at his sides. “LaCroy, I’m changing my mind again. We’ll take your employment month by month. Gantry will need to get back to his daughters in a few weeks. When he’s in Town, he can solicit agencies for a proper replacement.”
