“I don’t know what I believe.” I shook my head. “Actually, that isn’t true. I believe in you.”
He raised his hand like he wanted me to come, but I saw a wince on his cheek. His arm dropped. “Well, rest assured. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve seen me. Stop fretting. I’m not wasting away.”
“You haven’t eaten.”
“Broth? A sick man’s food. Shouldn’t a prisoner have smuggled bread?” He laughed and then winced.
“I’ll get you bread. Anything you want.”
“Anything?” Now his eyes were wide open. “A miraculous sentiment coming from you. But, by Jove, you’re pretty, Patience.”
“Your god would approve?”
“Yes, lass. Now, if my god could answer my one prayer again, I’d show you how much.”
“I struggle with trust. Things are so different here than where I was raised. English versus island deities, so much conflict. And those marble gods downstairs are completely useless. You should toss them out.”
He chuckled even as his face scrunched. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts to laugh.”
I threaded my hands through the bed curtains. “I believe that a man who has such good in his heart, who does good, will be rewarded.”
“On this side of glory? Or the other?”
“Hoping for both, Duke.”
“I walked before. By Jove, I’ll walk again.”
“If you know this, why tell me to go? Tell me anything else to do.”
“Anything, again? Patience, you weren’t good at following my orders under my employ.”
“It’s hard to listen and to trust.”
“That I know, but you’ve seen me. I’m glad you came, but you can leave. In a week or two . . . I’ll determine what’s next.”
Next? Was he referring to the proposal again?
I knew walking out the door wasn’t the right path. I avoided Mama’s last days because I couldn’t face life without her.
The duke wasn’t dying, but his spirit was. I couldn’t let him alone like I did Colin hoping things would improve. Not this time, not when I could do better.
As if I were moving toward the adjoining door, I rounded the bed, spread open the curtains, and eased onto the mattress. I didn’t want to jar his back, but I needed to be next to him.
He groaned from my scooting. “What are you doing?”
“Sharing your view. I used to lay here and study the canopy, count the stitches, hoping to hear Colin’s carriage. He stayed away for weeks. There were always reasons for him to be away.”
“Well, you’ll know where to find me if you’re looking for me.”
The uncertainty in his voice hit me hard. I didn’t know how to tell him, how to say all the thoughts crowding my skull.
I stopped thinking, stopped listening to excuses.
I gripped his hand, turned into him and kissed his cheek, then his nose.
Crouching on my knees, I leaned into him and tasted that mouth, that delicious, doubting wonder.
“Patience, you do know where I am.”
