Shame covered me more, like double-wrapping a present, but this was no gift. This was my nightmare.
I looked down at my reddened hands. They were scarlet, not much different than the mulberry color of my gown.
I thought of the worst thing to say to make Wycliff leave. “There’s nowe. Here’s the truth. I’ve made you into Adam in my mind.”
“I am Adam to you?”
“Yes, you are similar, you’re just bigger. And your voice is horrible. You can’t sing.”
“But I am Adam to you?”
“Yes. I’m horrible, trying to make you into him. I’m mad at myself for doing that.”
I stepped away, and he let my fingers go. My guise must be working. “I’m horrible.”
“No, you’re not. Do you remember loving Adam?”
“No, I remember none of that. I was a silly girl who cared for him and ran away for the excitement. It was wild. I was wild.”
“You don’t mean that. You loved each other.”
I rubbed my head. I wasn’t good at lying. Everything in me centered on truth, but I couldn’t go on like this. “I’m spent, Wycliff. I need to be alone. Please go.”
“May I see you tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Next week.”
“No more.”
“This is it for us?”
“Yes.”
Wrenching at his neck and the jacket that I’d wrinkled, he walked to the door. Those footfalls were still silent, still horrible. “I’ll respect your wishes. Send for me, day or night. I will come.”
“I won’t. You’ve done what I needed. You’ve been my proof. If you find the other half of the registry send it, but your presence is no longer required.”
“I’m not sure I can walk away. Fight me tonight, but don’t give up on us.”
“There’s no us, just a memory of a man who’s dead.”
“There’s more, Ruth, and what you won’t tell me, I’ll have to find out. I’m a nosy man. I should put my talent to use, to save you.”
“The Ruth that needed saving died with Adam. Please go.”
“I still owe you and Christopher protection. I’ll see to that.”
“Must you be as determined as Adam?” I put my arms about me, trying to stop my limbs from shaking, to keep from turning and running to Wycliff and saying,I’m scared, and I need you.
He put his hand on the door molding. “I don’t mind being Adam. I know you loved him. You are my Eve, the beginning of everything for me. I’ve the strength to fight whatever harmed you, but don’t lump me into those things that make you cry.”
Then he blew through the door.
He was gone.
I fell into my father’s chair, trembling, trying to think of things I was grateful for, but that list ended with the man I’d just made leave.
