“You should have told right away. You are so cruel. So manipulative.”
“Look at me.” He knelt in front of me and picked up the lantern. Positioning it close to his face, he caught and held my gaze. “Look at me, Ruthy. Look past age and the changes that nearly dying caused. I know I aged centuries thinking you were killed by my enemies. My voice, Ruth, because of the ropes they bound me with, I’ll never sing a melody to you, never as I once did. But my heart is the same, still stupidly yours. Does a name matter?”
“I saw you die. I watched those men wrap a rope about your neck. I saw them beat you to death. You should’ve told me this miracle. Or is this a last manipulation?”
He set down the lantern and ripped off his cravat. “Undo the buttons to my shirt. See the scars.”
I poked at the top button as if it would bite, but then undid the rest with a hunger to know every inch of him.
There were the scars. Horrid scars ringing his neck.
A gasp left me.
The flesh at his neck looked so pained. I trailed a finger over the roughened skin that had scabbed over the burns. The rings seemed so dark against his light skin. “Adam?”
“Yes, Ruth.”
I fingered his birthmark on the breastbone below the gullet of his neck.
“I’ve been wrestling with how to tell you. Agonizing every day. I’ve thrown so many clues into your path, I’ve lost count. Then it dawned on me. You didn’t want to remember, and I couldn’t blame you. I, as Adam, caused you so much pain.”
My eyes stung. Tears flooded my face. “I’m another pawn for you to push about.”
He took my hands from his throat. “No scheme. No pawn. We’re a miracle. When I regained consciousness, Uncle’s men had me. I kept repeating I was a son of a peer and the verses of judgement over and over. The wages of sin are death… So many verses.”
He swallowed, and I saw it pained him. “Those men didn’t want to take any chances that they were indeed killing a white man, a peer’s son, or maybe it was the thought of hell’s fires. They kept me in a pen a week but were going to let me go when Nickie arrived. He gave me over to a ship captain and impressed me into the Royal Navy. I was there four years, thinking you were dead, plotting my revenge.”
I wanted to lunge at him, fall from the seat into his arms, but I kept still. “You misled me.”
“I wanted to tell you, Ruth. Then I just wanted to love you. I wanted you to love me without all the pain. To admit to being Adam would bring back all the memories, all the bad.”
“You thought me too weak.”
“Ruth, you hated Adam for what you suffered. I hated me, too.”
Part of me wanted to wring his neck, part wanted to hold on to him, so I gripped him by the collar. “The men at Blaren House and at Drury Lane, all were involved with the attack. I know Nickie was at Blaren and the theater. I’ll never forget his voice. I hear his voice sometimes.”
“What are you not saying, Ruth?”
“I need proof. You won’t believe me if I say.” I released him and rubbed my temples. My headache was so strong. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I waited for you to recognize me, but you didn’t want to see Adam. I wasn’t going to force you. But you love me as Wycliff. I know that, Ruth, I know it—”
“Like you know your own name? Here is my plan. Take me to the door, Adam-Wycliff. We will not tell a soul of this. I’m tired of bringing lies home to the Croomes.”
“Ruth, what happened after I died? They dragged me away. What happened to you? Did they sell you to Madame Talease?”
I was shaking with anger. Wycliff had lied and now wanted my truth. He wanted to make me guilty to justify him.
“We need to go to Madame Talease. We’ll get proof of my story. You need proof, just like everyone else.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort. No more danger for you, Ruth.”
He helped me from the carriage and took me to the Croomes’ front door.
“You want danger, Ruth. Marry me again, marry your husband and commit to building a life with me. Do it. It’s wild and crazy. It’s us.”
His breath was on my neck, his arms about my waist. Adam, the only man I’d ever loved was alive and a liar.
