“I suppose. Adam used to sing to me.”
“That’s not a gift I possess. You’ll have to make do with my ragged voice.”
He took my hand and called for blessings on the food, upon me and Christopher. He wished me peace from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.
The gravel and gravitas of his desires for us pimpled my arms with fright, delight, and even a sense of discovery. Then those blessings hit me in the pit of my stomach. They were Adam’s words, the way he’d ended each day, that one week of our marriage. I looked down at the perfect snow-white tablecloth, then right in those dark eyes. “Adam.”
He didn’t say a word for at least a minute, long enough for me to hope and then dread my wish, that Adam and Wycliff were one and the same.
“Yes, Ruth. What did you want?”
I rose to my feet to look for an exit, but there was none, not without Wycliff’s help. “You’d answer to a dead man’s name? Are you trying to confuse me on purpose? Why do you want me to think about him and not you?”
He stood behind me and put his arms on mine. My thin sleeves ensured I’d feel the roughness of his palms on my skin.
“Isn’t it Shakespeare that goes on about a name, about the irrelevancy of it?”
“Sounds like it, but that’s something for my sister to answer.”
“I have a long formal name that I hate, so if you use another name and look at me the way you just called for Adam, I’ll answer. I know it’s me you want.”
“Wycliff, don’t you know how awful I feel, knowing that you are everything he was and wasn’t.”
“I don’t have the voice you loved.”
Guilt spun a heavy web about me. I drifted against him. “That doesn’t matter.”
“I’m me, Ruth. If that’s a blend of Adam, I don’t care. I know I can make you happy. You make me happy.”
“How? I haven’t done anything. I keep pushing you away.”
“But we end up here, with you letting me hold you. We are meant to be.”
“What if I disappoint you? What if you built up something in your head because of what Adam told you? I’m not that girl. Surely, you see that?”
“More faith, Ruth. That’s what you need. You dazzle me. I cannot stay away.”
I was glad of his persistence, but I still had a truth I hadn’t told anyone, not in a long time. I needed to tell him.
His lips sought the arch of my neck.
The thought of food and a confession disappeared. I wanted to be bold and turn to him, but my feet didn’t work.
My conscience weighed me down. I wouldn’t be free until I told him everything.
“Ruth, I lost everything once. I spent years struggling to understand why. I know what I need. It’s you. Since the first day I saw you, it’s been you.”
“So, you fell for a bed wench on your steps?”
“No, a friend that I needed and had missed for an eternity.”
I rotated like the hands on my watch face, ticking closer and closer to being consumed.
He nipped at my nose.
My head tilted up in response.
A double knock at the door made the bear growl.
