Chapter 43
He’s back for a reason.
Peace, calm, and serenity greeted me when I walked through his doors to the glass wall that covered the entire back of the house. The waves of the Pacific Ocean crashed against the beach. Walking past the scarcely furnished house, I tucked my shades in my T-shirt, pressed my hands against the glass, and admired the beautiful scene. He walked up beside me to join me.
“We’ve come a long way from those kids scraping by,” he commented.
“You and Carter did. I’m just along for the ride.” I stared out the window. “Once I have my store running, I’ll feel like I accomplished something.”
“Hey. You are a mother, and I bet a damn good one. That’s the best accomplishment.” He nudged my shoulder with his. “I bet they’re beautiful and smart like their mother. I would say let me see a picture...”
“You’re not ready.” I tapped the glass lightly. The minute he saw Elle, he would know and probably question if Ethyn was his.
“Not yet. It was hard enough seeing the two of you together at the party. You looked good together. Like a team. One of those couples who you can tell got their shit together.”
“Most days, we’re that couple as long as I follow along with him.” I chuckled self-depreciatively. With Grey, the façade I’d been carrying dropped away like pulling off a mask. “Once he became an NFL star, we had to appear the best—this strong,loving, and perfect couple. In many ways, we are. It hadn’t been hard to follow Carter. He values our family. But often at my expense. Maybe he forgot I had dreams outside of motherhood because I became a mother young. Tatianna doesn’t want you to have this house, and Carter doesn’t want me to have the store.”
“And we both ignored them and did what we wanted.” He concluded.
“I probably should’ve done what I did years ago.” I shrugged. “No one told me that you can lose yourself in your marriage. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and wonder if Darren is still there.” I looked at him. “Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to you. I can tell you found yourself. You look happy.” I pressed my forehead against the glass. “I’m still searching.”
“Naw...you’ve always known who you are. Just added on wife and mother. I’ve never had to be responsible for anyone or make compromises until now.” He squeezed my shoulder. “You hungry? I don’t have much in this fridge, but I can order something. We can sit on the patio before the temp drops and talk. What do you eat now?”
“A cheese pizza is fine. Unless you’re watching your carbs.” I teased.
He chuckled. “Cheese pizza? Your kids are not here. What do you really want?”
Although no double entendre was meant, I longed to say that I really wanted him. If I were single now, we would’ve already made good use of the sofa and the patio. We would be lying naked in each other’s arms and talking. I hadn’t felt this free to express myself since he left my life. I missed my friend. I missed him. Period. “Pick something for me. I still eat all the same things...just less of them.” I tapped my belly, which had never quite recovered from two babies. “Got to watch this weight.”
His gaze leisurely traveled my body. “I love your dips and curves. Gives me something to hold on to.”
I pushed him away playfully, though intentionally, as the heat flamed between us. “Do you at least have water?”
He smiled. “Yeah. Go ahead outside, and I’ll bring you a bottle.”
I stepped outside, and the soothing sounds of seagulls and the smell of the salty ocean assailed my senses, and I breathed deeply. Maybe Carter and I can buy something on the beach to visit once we move to Dallas.
Carter. Carter. Carter.
What a mess we’ve dug for ourselves. I looked back into the house to see Grey on his cell phone, talking, probably to Tatianna. He’d been with me for over four hours and hadn’t texted or called anyone. I pulled my cell out of my purse. A text from my mother.
Flight was delayed. But I just landed and on the way to your house. Hope you’re having fun with Carter. See you tomorrow. Love you.12:55 pm
I wanted to call her, but she’d ask questions I wasn’t ready to answer. Like, where was Carter? She loved him like a son and would probably ask to speak to him. My temples throbbed at telling my mother I had sex with two men in two days, and now I have two fathers for my twins. Sounds positively insane for a woman who’s only had sex with the same two men.
Stretching out on the plush lounger, I tucked my arms behind my head and closed my eyes, allowing my environment to soothe me. Why did I have to love two men? Both believed that one weighed more in my heart than the other. Truthfully, the scales tipped more in Grey’s favor eight years ago, and I would’ve married him. It’s not that I didn’t love and value Carter back then; Grey just had more of a hold. After years together, Carter had given me the kind of marriage I desired, where my husband was as into our children and me as I was into him. Though shaky with Carter’s recent behavior, the scales nowleaned toward Carter. Yet, I waited anxiously for Grey to touch me again.
“Darren,” Grey called and passed me a water bottle as he pulled the other lounger closer to me before reclining. “Ordered fried chicken wings, fries, and Coke to add to that cake that we need to take out of the jeep.”
“Good choice.” I turned to my side, and I reached for his hand, and he clasped mine. “I don’t want this day to end.”
“Me either.” The corners of his lips curved down. “I wish we had the time so I could tell you all that I’ve been through over the eight years. I know we only have this moment. Knowing you still love me and would’ve chosen me years ago is enough for me to walk away from you without looking back anymore. I can smile without regrets if we should cross paths in the future.”
My sigh was long and deep. Grey and I weren’t done. We had a child. I swung our hands over the space in between the loungers. “Giving up on me so quickly? Not even going to see if we can have the occasional brunch or chat by phone? Thought you said that today can’t be the only and last day we’ll see each other.”
He admitted softly, “Seeing you and knowing I can’t really have you would be torture. Do you understand how much I want to fuck you right now? Maybe that’s vulgar, and I should say something more flowery. But I’ve always been real with you.”
“Except about your true feelings. Maybe we would’ve been high school or college sweethearts, and this would’ve been a normal birthday. We would be married, sitting out here enjoying each other while our children played on the beach. Carter didn’t have to happen.”
