Chapter 42
Best friends to...
As romantic as I have always been, best-friends-to-lovers has never been my favorite trope to read or watch (Love and Basketball,the exception). I preferred the hot tension of enemies-to-lovers or yearning in my romances. I’m always Team Pacey onDawson’s Creekand Team Edward fromTwilight. I love, love the whole I-hate-that-I-ca n’t-stop-thinking-of-you love, which is why sex had been so hot between Carter and me on Sunday night. We were enemies that night, and sex was probably the last thing on our minds until it became the only thing on our minds. Or maybe the even sexier forbidden fruit trope was why Carter and I fell for each other in the first place. I was forbidden to him when he thought I belonged to Grey, and Carter had been intrigued. As a natural competitor, he loved challenges and wanted to be the victor of my love. He hated losing more than Grey, swallowing his pride to take me back when Grey asked him to. Our winding road of dating to marriage and a family... our story began... because Carter won.
Though sweet and probably the best type of long-lasting love, best friends to lovers always lacked the passion I dreamed about. Maybe that’s why I missed the signs that Grey had been in love with me since high school. He’d treated me like a sister in how we interacted and touched each other. Never a full-on hug or caress of my cheek. Or a warm, possessive hand on my lower back. Not even a gaze too long in my eyes or an accidental brush of my breasts or ass. Grey had been sweet to me and protectiveof me, even as I watched him grow into a sexy and desirable man. I could see what other women saw, but he was still my grumpy best friend who waited every day at my locker for his day to begin. He’d been waiting for me my whole life, and I had no fucking clue.
I’d never been a fan of unrequited love, and before I met Carter, I thought that would be my destiny. Always longing for something I couldn’t have. Instead, that had been Grey’s lot, and he longed for me for seven years. Wanting me, loving me right under my nose until he unexpectedly kissed me and grabbed my ass in front of Carter, and my world spun. In that brief show of possession and masculinity, I felt his passion. I felt his desire and need in the warmth and strength of his hand on my body. The way his soft lips pressed against mine sent a spark straight to my sex. That small action propelled me to seek him, and for the first time, I considered us. And the night I gave him my virginity, Grey finally knew his love had been requited, and we had unbelievable passion.
Grey chuckled, breaking my thoughts. “You still zone out in this world of yours. Where were you?”
We were in his open jeep, enjoying the cool breeze from the nearby Pacific Ocean. We both wore shades as we traveled through the city. We had no real destination in mind. I told him to drive until something interested us enough to stop.
“My mind is everywhere.”
“Tell me one destination.” He suggested.
“Guess, wondering about the choices I made that led me here. Had I been so caught up in my fantasy world that I didn’t choose real?”
Grey glanced at me. “I’m assuming I’m the real in this scenario.”
I covered the hand that he used to drive his stick shift. “Honestly, I don’t know. Are you my fantasy? I’ve thought of youso often over the years, and a part of me wonders what if. I’ve been with Carter, day in and day out. Living together, planning our future, and raising a family. On the surface, he looks like my real. When I think of why I was attracted to him in the first place, it was because he was my crush...my too-good-to-be-true fantasy man. And you were my real.”
He nodded.
“But if you were my real, why did I let you go so easily? I’d accepted that you wouldn’t want what I did, and I moved on. I thought I was doing the right thing, not fighting for you. Allowing you to live your dream with no guilt or regrets. Knowing that you were ready to be with me as my husband, now, it’s all confusing.” I slunk down in my seat. “I have to believe that I didn’t know for a reason. I was supposed to be with Carter.”
Grey asked calmly, “Then why am I back now?”
I stared at him, contemplating whether I should tell him that maybe he was back only to know his daughter and that we were with whom we were supposed to be with. Then Carter’s face flashed when he held Elle at birth, and I turned away. I needed to talk to Carter first and let him know that it was time to tell Grey. I had to give him a heads-up so we could be prepared to handle whatever Grey would do. He deserved that, even if we disagreed about telling Grey.
“You’re gone again,” Grey commented. “Do you just want me to drive and not talk?”
“I’m sorry. Trying to digest so much. We can talk.” I shifted to look at him as he pulled off his shades and placed them on the windshield holder. He was the Grey I remembered, yet different. The sun, instead of clouds, seems to follow him now. “Who would’ve thought that Grant Jameson would turn out like you? All confident and gorgeous. I remember when the teacher called Roll in homeroom on the first day, and I heard a deep voicebehind me. I turned around, surprised to see a face that didn’t quite match the voice.”
“Too light-skinned?” He gave me a side glance.
I leaned against the headrest, observing him. My hand still rested on top of his. “No. You looked too young with those chubby cheeks and curly hair to have such a deep voice. You looked timid, but your voice was so strong and sure. I remember thinking you had the prettiest eyes with those long lashes that belonged on a girl.” I closed my eyes, picturing Elle, who did have his eyes. She was a pretty girl who would grow to be a beautiful woman. No one would ever consider her plain. Our daughter was brilliant, charming, insightful, and could be blunt like Grey. And if the other day was any indication, she would be able to run like the wind. Grateful for the shades that hid my face, tears of shame fell that I selfishly kept Elle from Grey, no matter how I tried to justify it. He missed so much of her life and may never forgive me.
Knowing the depth of his love for me, he would’ve loved Elle as much as Carter and me. Correction...knowing him as one of the most loyal and giving people, he would’ve loved Elle even if he didn’t love me. I failed him. I failed Elle, and I even failed Carter. No one deserved to be hurt, and the pain everyone would feel when the truth happened. Carter and I will talk tonight. Whether he agreed or not, Grey would know the truth.
“I don’t remember you crying this much,” Grey said softly. “Forget I said anything. I didn’t mean to turn your whole world upside down. You love Carter, and you have a family. I love Tatianna. Sooner or later, we’ll have a family too. I’ll keep pretending I’mnotstill in love with you.”
“Do you really love her, or are you settling?” My tears ran unchecked as I touched his cheek, and he leaned into my palm, keeping his eyes trained on the road. “Although I hate that she gets to be with you, I could be okay knowing you found love. Ionly want your happiness. I never hated you, not even when I hurt the most. How could I? You were my Grey.”
He looked at me briefly. “Is this fun for you...talking like this? I don’t want to ruin your birthday more than it already is.”
I frowned. “My birthday isn’t ruined.”
“Why were you angry after getting off the phone with Carter?”
“It’s not important.”
Grey insisted, “What were you supposed to do later?”
I sighed. “Fly to Napa Valley for an overnight trip with Carter.”
His jaw tightened, and he pushed out his breath. “Why aren’t you going?”
