He countered with a slight sneer, “How would you feel if I told you I couldn’t get over Chelsea or some other woman? Would that make you confident in me and in us? It’s like you have this blind spot when it comes to Grey. That I just need to deal with your feelings for him if we’re going to be together.”
“I believe a lot of people in this world have deep feelings for someone other than their partner and decide thatthatperson isn’t right for them for whatever reason. I’m just being honest about it. You and Grey are different. He doesn’t believe that you can accomplish goals and be with someone. He believes he has to do it alone. From day one, you’ve always included me inyour dreams and future with no hesitation. You and I want and believe in the same things. He resents you for it, too.”
“I resent that I can’t compete with him.”
I agreed. “You can’t. Just like he can’t with you. You told me that I wouldn’t leave a nigga for a man I don’t know. At the time you said it, you were right. But I am getting to know you and hope we learn more about each other. I can stay stuck and be hopeful that Grey will see that we can accomplish anything together, or be with a man who already knows.”
He shook his head with a reluctant smile. “Damn, you’re good. Got me ready to forget the hurt you’ve put me through for the last two weeks. If you ever disappear on me again, stay ghost, and I mean that, Darren.”
“Noted. I won’t do that again, and I am sorry about hurting you.”
Carter’s eyes hooded, and he picked invisible lint off the comforter. “Were you with him this whole time?”
I thought about Grey’s warning not to tell Carter because I would lose him. I also had been on the other end of lies and hated it. I hugged my knees and rested my head on them as I looked at him. He couldn’t return my gaze, preferring to stare at the comforter. In my silence was my answer, but that wasn’t good enough if we were going to work through us. “Yes. Grey found out about the Olympic Trial the Monday after homecoming, and because I knew our time was ending, I wanted to be with him while I could.”
Carter clenched and unclenched his jaws and took several settling breaths before finally asking quietly, “And if he wanted forever?”
“Once he got the call, I knew we weren’t meant. We never talked about the future, and that was my answer. I cried like I did yesterday because I had to let go of him to truly move on to you or the next man. I wished him well becauseIdecided thatour friendship had to end. I still hurt. Probably will for a while. He asked you to be here because he knows I love you, and you love me too. Yesterday, you showed me kindness and love. I’ll always remember that. You were a friend and never judged me.”
He raised his own knees and leaned on them, studying me. “When I walked out and saw you like that, all broken and hurt, all I could do was hold you. I’m still wrapping my mind around you being with another man. I don’t care if it was Grey or that this would be your last time because we were still together. I haven’t been with another woman since we ate at In-N-Out. I started to fuck someone else, but couldn’t even kiss her because, for me, it was cheating on you.”
“Chelsea?” I asked before I could stop myself and felt a tinge of jealousy. Carter was the real one in our relationship if he could tolerate this whole conversation while I still ached so painfully thinking of him and Chelsea.
“No. That’s been over.” Carter jerked his head like he’d been slapped. “I don’t know what she told you, but she was just someone I fucked. Something she wanted, too. She was recording one of her videos on campus, and I walked past her camera unknowingly. She stopped me, and we flirted heavily. We came back here, and that happened a few more times. I thought we were on the same page, and then she told me she caught feelings. That night you heard us was our last night. I drove her back to campus to her car. Before she got out, she told me she would leave her man for me. I told her not to because I didn’t want a relationship. We were in my truck, and her boyfriend walked up on us. She jumped out, trying to keep him from me. I watched her lie to him that we hadn’t done anything. They argued, and when I was sure he wouldn’t hit her or me, I drove away. That happened a few days after you moved in.”
“Have you talked in the last two weeks?”
He snorted, “Fuck no. And I hope that you’re not trying to still be friends with her.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s selfish and a piss poor friend.”
I reminded him, “You fucked her knowing she had a man.”
He lifted his head. “And? You fucked Grey, knowing you had me. On second thought, you and Chelsea are perfect friends for each other.”
Anger rose inside of me at being compared to her. I would never be her. “Chelsea and I haven’t spoken since homecoming when I accused her of being with you and Grey in front of Carmello after I caught her and Carmello having sex. Grey had to stop him from hurting her.”
“What the fuck? She’s been with Grey, too? And you busted her with her ex? This keeps getting better and better.” He laughed like it was the funniest thing he had heard.
“She didn’t have sex with Grey, though she tried him.” I bit my lip to hide my smile.
“You know you want to laugh. That shit is hilarious. Your girl, gets around.”
“I know you’re not judging her. You’ve had your share of women, too.”
“Not at all. Stating facts.” Carter grinned, and then his smile faded. “Or am I Carmello in this situation? Because that night on campus, I thought he was done with her, and then a few weeks later, he’s with her, and he’s hurt all over again.”
I touched his knee. “I’m not Chelsea, Carter. If you really thought that you wouldn’t be here with me, and you know that.” I pushed up to join him against the headboard. “She wrote me something that I haven’t read. We can read it together, unless I should be concerned about something?”
He dropped his head back on the headboard and looked at me. “Read it. If there’s something that upsets you, keep in mindyou just fucked Grey. Whatever she and I did was weeks ago. If I’m willing to forgive you, you need to forgive me.”
“How can you be so calm as you talk about me being with Grey? Because Carmello laid hands on Chelsea for the same reason.”
Carter shrugged. “Maybe I’m too numb. Maybe seeing you so broken scared me. Maybe I’m excited that you’re in my bed again. Maybe I’m the biggest fool in love. Or maybe it’s me working it through with the woman I love, showing you that we have what it takes to get through the worst.”
I grinned. “Damn, you’re even better.”
