"It's okay. I'd rather not talk about Grey and me." Chelsea tightened her arms around me. “I hate that we’re slowly drifting away from each other. Grey told me that you’re moving in with Carter. This last year was supposed to be about us, not the stupid men in our lives.”
Accepting her refusal to talk about Grey, I pulled back from the embrace. “I’m still next door. We just have to make a point to spend time together.”
Her long ponytail moved with the shake of her head. “It’s not the same, especially because Carter doesn’t seem to like me and definitely can’t stand Grey. Sooner or later, we won’t matter to you anymore.”
“I won’t choose him over you. He’ll have to accept our friendship.”
“I won’t hold my breath. I know how these things work.” She shrugged before walking out of the kitchen. “Going out in a little bit. May not come back tonight, so see you at the game tomorrow.”
I sighed, looking around our condo, thinking how complicated my life had become. It was a real mess when it was finally supposed to be easy because I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who slept alone because he’d been angry with me. After, we promised not to go to bed angry, and I was about to let him forget our promise to each other. I locked the door and walked a few feet to use his code. The condo was quiet and still. Maybe he didn’t come home. What if he and Grey got into it again? Or he decided that being with me wasn’t worth it and went to see some other woman. Maybe I’d made his life more complicated, too. I slowly opened the door, scared to see if the bed was empty. When I stepped into the room, the bed hadn’t been slept in, and before hurt and anxiety crept in, he called my name softly from the balcony outside of his bedroom.
I smiled in relief and settled in his lap instead of the chair beside him. He pulled the blanket around us, and his clean soap scent, warmth, and slow, rhythmic breathing practically lulled me to sleep. Until Carter spoke, “Glad you didn’t listen to me. I couldn’t sleep without you.”
I whispered, “Then why didn’t you call me?”
“I’m too fucking stubborn to admit I need you.”
“Aww...bae...I have no shame in my game. I need you. Don’t want to be without you.” I kissed him, and he shifted away before I could deepen it. “Oops, forgot.” He didn’t like to have sex the night before a game.
“Probably should make you move. Your ass keeps hitting my dick, and I’m trying to have self-control.” He chuckled. “Tomorrow night, you'd better lube up. You know how I am when we win.”
Unable to ignore my gut that all wasn’t yet right with us, I pulled his chin down and stared into his dark eyes. “Are we good?”
“Yeah.” He gazed back and then closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”
My stomach lurched dangerously, and I could almost taste bile. “What do you mean?”
Carter slowly opened his eyes and dragged his hand over his wild hair. “I hate lying to you.”
“What are you lying about, Carter?” My voice sounded shrill even to my ears. The image of Grey and Carter on the beach flashed.
“Shit...you’re saying my name like you're already mad, and I haven’t said a word.” He pressed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m not explaining myself right. I can’t get into it tonight. I need to focus.”
“Then why tell me that you don’t know if we’re good if you’re not ready to talk?” I huffed.
“You asked if we were good, and I had to be honest. Told myself I wouldn’t lie to you. That I wouldn’t ever lie to you. But I can't talk right now for my sanity and peace of mind. I never expected to fall so hard for you. Knew I crushed you. That I was crazy attracted to you. That I wanted to have sex. Loving you and contemplating marriage were never in the cards. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I’m asking you to give me until Sunday. I’ll explain whatever you need me to explain.”
“You’re scaring me. I saw you and Grey on the beach. What were you arguing about?” I held my stomach to stop the burning.
His gaze immediately became hooded, and he clenched and unclenched his jaw several times before gruffly asking, “What did he tell you?”
“He avoided me because he didn’t want to address what I saw, and that’s not Grey. I’m trying not to be scared.” My eyes welled, and my voice trembled.
Carter curved his hands to my face. “I love you. I want to give you my name, and that’s no bullshit. Being around your family tonight solidified my desire to grow old with you. Be a part of them. Have a lifetime of family dinners. Tomorrow...correction: tonight is a big night for me, and I need you by my side. I can’t be upset, and I can’t function if you’re upset. On Sunday, we can stay in bed all day and figure everything out, no matter how long it takes to make us right. I’m not losing you. Period.”
I numbly assented and rested my head against his chest, wondering what he had done that made him believe it was possible I wouldn’t forgive him.
My stomach churned again, and a wave of unrelenting nausea hit. I quickly jumped up and threw up over the rail. Luckily, only sand and bushes were beneath the balcony and not another balcony. Carter rubbed my back as I threw up again. “Please...I don’t want you this upset. Please.”
After the contents of my stomach emptied, I leaned into him and started crying. He gingerly brought me back to the bathroom and cleaned my face and mouth.
“I’ll grab a big bowl or find a bucket to clean downstairs.” Carter’s eyes sparkled from fear and unshed tears, making me cry harder. He cared about me. He truly loved me and didn’t want to lose me. Whatever he did may alter how I feel about him, and he and Grey knew it. And what if I can’t forgive him or start to see him differently? What if I realize we can’t be together anymore? What if I know that my nausea isn’t about losing him?
What if I know I’m pregnant with his baby?
