Although he hadn’t changed his mind, Carter still hadn’t made his intentions to leave football known. He told me he made peace with his decision. His restlessness at night screamed otherwise. His mother, brother, and a few other relatives were in the city to watch him play his last homecoming. We all had dinner last night. His mother was cordial, though she still blamed me for her son’s decision. My family would arrive tonight because it was also my last homecoming at this university, and they wanted to meet Carter.
“It doesn’t have to be the last time,” I reminded him quietly. “You have a gift, and it’s not about being the savior for your family, who really don’t need saving, by the way. It’s about facing your fears, the unknown, or whether you can cut it in the NFL. That’s why you don’t want to play anymore. Afraid you can’t handle the pressure. I’ve always watched you play and seen your heart every single time. Football runs through your veins and keeps you pumping. Can you really give up your heart?”
“What? You’ll only love me if I play ball?” He asked teasingly, though I could hear the doubt about my love for him and giving up football.
I kissed his cheek. “I am so good with having a veterinarian who comes home every night, and I don’t have to fight off millions of women. The women on campus are enough.” Being Carter St. Patrick’s girlfriend put a bullseye in the middle of my forehead, especially because he had been notoriously known for not claiming anyone until me. “I thought it was bad with Grey, but your fandom is on another level. And this is just college.”
He shrugged his shoulder to make me lift my head when I mentioned Grey. He hadn’t asked me to end my friendship with Grey, but I knew he wanted to. Although Carter had seen my condo and seen evidence of our living situation, he didn’t like Grey. And Grey returned the favor. I kept the men separate andmy contact with Grey to a minimum, which hadn’t been difficult with his vigorous training schedule.
I sighed and moved back to my side. In every way, these last six weeks with Carter had been addicting, mesmerizing, and damn right sexy. We gelled unbelievably well, and I’d practically moved in with him. Grey was our only point of contention. He sensed Grey’s love for me, and maybe he sensed mine for Grey, so he kept his distance from Grey. Carter didn’t seem too keen on Chelsea either. When I questioned him about her, he explained that he could be reserved or distant around new people. Chelsea continued to be Chelsea, hooking up with any man she deemed remotely attractive, and the roommates we thought we would be for our last year in college didn’t materialize. We all dipped in and out of the condo like a weigh station instead of our expensive condo that three friends shared.
Carter muttered, “Sorry.”
I tucked one foot under my thigh and defended, “I’m with you, and I’m not going anywhere. Grey wants us to win. He doesn’t speak against you anymore.”
He scoffed. “He may not say anything against me anymore, but he doesn’t want us to win. He wants you for himself.”
“Grey had years to be with me if he wanted.” Poor choice of words. The minute I said it, I regretted it.
His voice raised sharply, “Oh...so if he decided he wants to be with you, then it’s over for you and me?”
“No. I meant that if we were going to be together, it would’ve happened. We’ve been friends since we were fourteen. We’ve always had different paths. You and I are on the same one.”
Carter had one hand on the wheel, and his other hand rested on his thigh, his face tight with anger. I picked up his hand and placed it inside my shirt. He cupped my breast immediately, and I tried to ignore the kneading of my rigid nipple.
“I was trying to make a point that you have my heart. Now I can’t focus,” I moaned.
“Like it better when you don’t talk.”
I pressed his hand against my chest, stopping him. “Seriously?”
“Yep. You have feelings for Grey, and I try to ignore that, but sometimes it’s hard as a muthafucka.” I’d never told him we’d slept together. Yet, his jealousy towards Grey makes me wonder if he knows.
“I won’t cheat on you.”
He looked at me. “I believe you. I also believe you’d break up with me to be with him if you had the chance.”
I bit my tongue, wanting to scream that I had the chance, and I still chose him. “If you think that, why are you with me?”
Carter retorted, “I ask myself that every time you mention his name or you’re with him in your apartment.”
“Is that why you insist I stay over all the time or why you want to give me rides to campus? Is that why I’m up at crazy times of the morning to join you at the gym?”
Carter removed his hand from my shirt and placed both hands on the wheel.
“Baby, you can’t keep me from him. He’s my friend, and you’re my love. My man. Hopefully, my future.” I averted my gaze out the window so he wouldn’t see my emotions. I didn’t want him to feel manipulated, and the thought of no longer having Carter hurt with a depth I didn’t want to comprehend. Loving Carter had been so easy. The night of my birthday, I stripped away my fantasy of him and saw him as a man with flaws and insecurities, and I didn’t regret choosing him. So, knowing that he was this insecure about Grey bothered me because, as much as I loved Carter, I wasn’t capable of letting go of Grey. Eventually, Carter would demand I choose again, and I didn’t know if I could.
Grey will always own a piece of me.
I sucked in my tears and looked back at him. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Then move in with me.”
I reasoned, “I do pay part of the rent, and you live next door. We see each other all the time.”
He insisted stubbornly, “Keep paying your part, or I’ll pay it. I want you with me.”
“It’s too soon. We’ve only been together for six weeks. I don’t want to ruin us.”
