"Okay. Let's say we do this, and a year from now, you want more, and I don't. Will you hate me? Will you still be good? Will you leave me?"
I ran my hand over his curls to the fine hair on his nape. "But what if you change your mind and want the same things I want? We're like a couple in every way, especially now that we've had sex. You and I work."
Grey affirmed, "I can be your boyfriend. I have no doubt I can be faithful to you, and you would support my busy practice schedule. But my stance on marriage hasn't changed. I don't operate on what-ifs, and you shouldn't either. I can only tell you how I feel and have always felt. You know this about me."
I nodded slowly because I did. That may be why, subconsciously, I never saw Grey as potential. Why I ignored the hints of attraction that he didn't really hide. He's always been near me or around me. Grey suggested we attend college together when I'd been prepared to apply to other schools. "Why does our relationship hinge on what you feel? I don't have a say?"
He looked down at me. "You do. Can you be with me, knowing we may forever be boyfriend and girlfriend? That we may always live together out of wedlock. That I may not ever want children? I will be committed to you and only you if you can."
Tears gathered behind my eyes. "Grey, you're asking a lot of me. I don't know if I can promise you anything like that."
"That's just it. I'm not asking or requiring it of you. You asked what's next, and I get that because you just gave me a gift I'll treasure for the rest of my life." His eyes searched my face. "I ask again, do you regret what we did?"
"No. I always envisioned my first time with someone I loved and who loved me back. I'd been willing to settle for less, but I'm glad you were my first." I touched his cheek, and he kissed my palm. "Just don't know how we can move forward as friends with this love between us. Like how do we do this? I will be with another man one day, and you'll be with a woman. Our friendship almost ended over Carter, and we hadn't had sex. You were already possessive over me before. Can you honestly be okay with another man touching me, being with me like you are right now?"
Grey kissed my palm again. "I don't want another man near you. Period. But I can't be selfish either. I'll accept whatever you decide, and I'll live with it. I won't ask you to choose or act as I did with Carter again. I can't lose you, no matter what. Even if all we will ever be is friends."
I pulled his head back down to me and kissed him. Kissed him in case this was our last time being this way with one another. With every swirl of my tongue with his, I wanted to erase his childhood pain. I hated that his childhood had given him such a warped view of marriage that he didn't believe happiness existed between a husband and a wife. He'd grown up in a toxic environment, observing the turbulent, sometimes violent relationship with his parents. Grey told me countless times over the years how he would have a life different than his parents. He wouldn't mess up a good relationship with marriage or make a child feel what he did growing up. We would argue and debate, and I would use my parents' healthy relationship as an example. Grey would never discount my experiences or feelings about marriage. He simply believed his happiness wouldn't result from marriage and a family. For him, it was making the Olympic Team, whether he ever earned a medal. For him, it was a thriving career and a woman with similar views about marriage and family.
He moaned, nudged my legs further apart, and entered me so wholly, and suddenly I gasped. Grey whispered, "Do you want me to stop? Does it still hurt?"
"No. It feels too damn good. Like I never want you to stop."
He continued, slowly moving in and out of me, cognizant of my soreness. "And I wish I could stay inside of you forever."
Grey then snared my mouth, and his tongue matched the incessant strokes of his dick. My arms held onto his neck, enjoying every delicious moment. And when my moans increased, he picked up the rhythm, thrusting faster and harder. Still kissing me until I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled my second orgasm as he pulled out and spewed himself over my stomach and breasts.
AFTER WE SHOWERED TOGETHER, laughing and talking about everything much like we've always done, he left for his two-and-a-half-hour drive back to Austin. Only wearing the hotel's terry-cloth robe, I moved to the balcony and soaked in the early-morning light and breeze. Truly grateful for this day. My 21st birthday had finally arrived, and I was no longer a virgin. I hugged myself at the bittersweetness of Grey and me. We were set in our ways and knew each other better than anyone else. Neither of us would compromise on what we wanted. We agreed to table any further discussion about us and focus on our friendship for now. Agreed that our special night of lovemaking would only be between us, and see if we could truly let the chemistry between us fade to black. I slipped back inside to sleep when a knock scared me.
Something told me it wouldn't be Grey this time.
Without checking the peephole, I opened the door, and a contrite Carter, holding a bouquet of flowers and balloons, greeted me, "Please, let me explain."
I leaned against the door, debating whether to hear his weak-ass excuse. "Flowers and balloons are not going to cut it."
He glanced at the bouquet in his hands. "This isn't an apology gift. This is for your birthday. Today is your birthday, right?"
What the fuck?Carter knew it was my birthday. Knowing it was my birthday, he'd asked to spend his only weekend off with me. Had I underestimated his feelings for me yet again?
Tired of the lies and needing to clear the air, unsmiling, I stepped back. "You’re right. We do need to talk.”
His jaw tightened. “About him?”
I nodded.
Carter entered the suite reluctantly, and the door slammed shut for the second time.
