“We hooked up earlier,” I replied, like hooking up with Carter was a part of my daily routine while I punched the entrance code into our condo.
“Hooked up? Like sex?” He kept his voice level, but I heard the judgment.
“Not sex. Like made out at his place.” I neglected to tell Grey that he gave me a ride home. I managed to get Grey’s car home without him knowing I left it on campus, and that little lie was going to my grave.
“That’s why you were gone so long.” He followed behind me into the kitchen. “Does Chelsea know?”
“Yeah.” I'd called her with all the deets on the drive back from campus. “She was proud of me. Unlike you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He leaned against the counter as I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.
I pointed at his mouth. “I didn’t want to hear that Carter is out of my league. That I’m not good enough. Besides, Chelsea gets me when it comes to men.”
“What? I get you. No one gave me the time of day until I started looking like this. Chelsea never went through an awkward stage in her life. Even though I'm a man, I can relate more to you than her.” He swiped my hand down. “And I would never say he’s out of your league.”
“You did the day we moved in.” I held the bottle in my hand and pointed the tip at him. “And even if you don’t remember telling me. You believe it.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. St. Patrick isn't good enough foryou. He’ll only hurt you. Where do you think he’s going tonight, dressed up?”
Although I had the same question, I pushed it to the back of my mind. “Love is a risk. Maybe I’m willing to take it with him.”
Grey scoffed loudly. “You mean lust. That dude knows nothing about love.”
I defended, “You don’t know him.”
Grey pushed off the counter and said calmly, “Game recognize game.”
I couldn’t argue. Grey had been with many girls and shied away from commitment, too focused on his relationship goals. After the last guy I dated dumped me for not being ready for sex, he told me that he would tell me whether the guy I liked was worth it. I trusted Grey wouldn’t steer me wrong.
“Well, maybe I don’t care. I’m about to be legal and haven’t had sex. That sounds lame even to my ears. I want to have fun and stop being so damn careful. I'm tired of living vicariously through you and Chelsea while you have these amazing lives, and I have nothing. Carter may be playing me, but at least he makes me feel like something.”
“You’re not lame. That’s in your head. You can’t see what I see. What Chelsea sees. That you have more than what we have. You’re brilliant. You know what you want from life and have never been afraid to go after it. You know who you are. Shit, I don’t know who I am most days. Raised in a white world by a white mama and my black father, who picks and chooses when he wants to be bothered. So, learning to be a man, a black man who wants to be accepted and loved by a black woman, is fucking hard. Chelsea relies too much on her looks and moneyto know who she is. But you...you...we envy you. You have everything. Goals. Self-aware. Older siblings who would ride for you. Parents who still love each other and love you. And you would’ve been in love by now if you weren’t trying to live this romantic movie in real life.”
I digested his words. Heard the truth in them and knew his struggles with being biracial. Yet he didn’t fully understand my loneliness. My desire for a great love. For someone to treat me like the main character. “How many men am I turning down to live in this fantasy world? Huh? How many men have pursued me, and I rejected them?”
Grey sighed before dropping his gaze to his Nikes.
“Men don’t seek me. I don’t know why, but they don’t. Not even the ones who may be in my league. So, stop making it seem like I’m letting good men go to have someone like Carter.” I touched my chest. “He approached me. Remembers me from class, though we never spoke, and he wants me.Me.”
He continued to study his shoes.
I tapped his foot with mine, and he looked at me. His hazel eyes dulled by our conversation. “Give me this, Grey. Give me a moment of giddy, goofy lust that may or may not turn into love. Let me enjoy that a man like Carter St. Patrick wants me.”
“Alright. Alright,” Grey conceded with a shake of his head. “I’ll back off. Whatever you want, Darren.”
He moved past me to pick up a bag of chips on top of the fridge.
“Glad you’re saying that. Carter thinks you’re my boyfriend. Don’t make him think otherwise,” I quickly said as I hurried out of the kitchen.
He rushed to the corner of the kitchen to yell, “Fuck Darren, why would you tell him something like that?”
I turned around. “I didn’t. He assumed, and I let him run with it. Thank you, Bestie. Are we still watchingBreaking Badafter we put on PJs?”
Grey muttered under his breath and went back into the kitchen.
My cell beeped while I changed into a tank and shorts. I picked up my phone expecting a text from Mama, who sent me prayers nightly.
I almost dropped my phone when I read Carter's text.
I’m already jealous.
I collapsed on my bed, feeling unbelievably happy and wondering if I could resist Carter long enough to get what I wanted.
