My head shakes over and over until I realize he can’t see me. “I couldn’t have stayed. His gambling put Amelia and me in danger.”Something that still hasn’t changed.I fail to reveal that little tidbit. “I didn’t have a choice. Amelia comes first.” I lean against the wall and sigh. “Amelia will always come first. And what’s done is done.” I hesitate, then ask, “Did he say anything else?”
He grumbles, knowing there’s nothing he can do. It’s the same inglorious grumble he made when I told him I was going to college. And when he found out about Amelia.
“He asked if I knew where to find you. But being as we haven’t spoken in years, I had no idea.”
My spine stiffens. He called my dad to find out where I am? He’s getting desperate. Then again, he wasn’t desperate enough to spill the beans on my sordid past. I think about what today signifies and know that he might well be reaching that breaking point. He contacted my dad, but he didn’t make good on his threat. Was that just a passive-aggressive way of letting me know he’s not done with me?
“Kenna? Are you still there?”
“I’m here. I just don’t know what to say. If you can’t accept me for who I am and what I’ve done, I’m not sure we have anything left to talk about.”
“It’s not too late to accept Jesus into your heart.”
“Ihave, Daddy. Jesusisa part of my life. Maybe not in the way you’d like him to be, but he is.”
“Some of us have different opinions on exactly what that means.”
“And therein lies our issue.”
He blows out a long, drawn-out breath. “I’m going now. I have to work on Sunday’s sermon. And you’ve given me a lot of inspiration.”
The way he says it tells me it won’t be chock full of praise and accolades.
“Okay. But, Daddy… you can call me anytime.”
The phone goes dead. Just as he didn’t say hello, there’s no goodbye.
Tears I didn’t even know were falling drop onto my shirt. Maybe it’s time for me to accept that our relationship may be irrevocably broken. Which means I shouldn’t be so concernedabout Cyrus going to him about my past. My present. My anything.
But no matter what my father thinks of me, the real reason I don’t want Cyrus to blow the whistle is that Idocare what my dad’s congregation thinks ofhim. Even after all his disapproval and condemnation, I still love him. And I can’t have his congregation thinking less of him all because of me.
So give in to Cyrus’s demands and make it go away, a voice echoes in my head.
I shake away the thought. I’ve spent hundreds of sleepless nights thinking of the repercussions. It’s a trap I refuse to fall into again. If I give in a second time, Cyrus will just keep coming back for more. He’ll never leave me alone. And I’ll never be free of him.
It’s a no-win situation. I’m between the proverbial rock and hard place.
I go down to my bathroom, wipe my eyes, and refresh my makeup.
When I go through the door to the kitchen, everyone is sitting at the table waiting for me.
Straightening my shoulders, I approach the empty seat and paste on a smile. Carter watches me, knowing it’s not real. As I slowly lower myself into the chair, he tries to load my plate, but I stop him. “I’m not really all that hungry. You go ahead.”
Instead of eating, I fill my glass with the wine I contributed to dinner—a souvenir from my day trip with Allie—drinking my calories instead of eating them. Because, why not? I’m already a failure on so many levels.
Chapter Twenty-three
Carter
It’s well past midnight and she’s not here. Was it the phone call? Dinner was not the time to ask her about it, and she made excuses to rush off right after.
I must tap my phone screen every five minutes, checking the time. When it hits one o’clock, I put on a T-shirt and sweats and go to the basement door. Did she lock it like she did the other night?
My body shudders in relief when I pull on the door knob and it swings open with nothing more than the slight resistance I’m used to feeling.
Padding down the stairs, I’m careful to bypass the fourth step from the bottom that always squeaks. This is wrong on so many levels. I’m invading her private space. I look between the bedroom and the stairs, two consciousnesses battling inside my head over which path I should take.
The one that has me seeing Kenna wins. Because she’ll be leaving soon. Because she was so sad at dinner. Because… I can’t get her out of mind.
