Common sense would have me spending all our remaining time here in the basement. Pulling back before we have to pull away. But I’m the first one to point out how I’ve proven time and time again that I don’t seem to have much common sense. Not when it comes to men anyway.
We’re barely two steps in the front door when Christian appears. “You didn’t forget about today, did you?”
Carter checks his watch. “Hey, now, I’m home with thirty minutes to spare. Is Bug not coming along this time? We just saw her at the coffee house.”
Christian’s lips part in a toothy smile. “She’s coming. She gets off work in fifteen minutes.”
“Where are you going?” Amelia asks.
“We’re going swimming.”
Amelia wraps her arms around herself and pretends to shiver. “But it’s freezing outside!”
Christian laughs. “We’re going to an indoor pool. It’s very warm. You guys should come.”
“Yes!” Amelia grabs my leg. “Mommy, can we?”
I don’t miss how Carter is looking at me. It’s as if he’s challenging me to accept the invitation.
“We couldn’t,” I say.
“It’s open to everyone,” Christian tells me. “You just have to sign a waiver thing.”
“We don’t have bathing suits.”
Carter looks at me suspiciously. “You mean to tell me in all those boxes we carted downstairs—the ones that contain all your worldly belongings—there aren’tanyswimsuits?”
The truth is, Idohave a bathing suit.One. A bikini. I got it early last summer when I took Amelia to the beach, before things got crazy. Thinking back on it, that was the last time I really experienced joy. God, has it been that long?
“Okay, so I might have one. But Amelia can’t swim.”Excuses, excuses.
Carter opens his arms wide. “I taught Christian, I can teach Amelia.”
“Please, Mommy. Please?”
Everyone in this room, including me, knows I’m going to give in.
Carter steps closer, his hot breath whispering against my ear in that seductive way he seems to have perfected. “Say yes.”
I look down at Amelia, who’s still staring up at me with expectant eyes. If I haven’t experienced joy in over eight months, what has it been like for her? What am I doing to my daughter?
For Amelia’s sake, I say yes.
It’s another lie I tell myself. Because if I’m being honest, I really just want to spend more time with Carter.
And it’s this very moment when I realize something.
My heart may be toast. But at this point, I’m just hoping for lightly scorched versus full-on burned.
Chapter Fourteen
Carter
There wasn’t an opportunity to talk to Kenna during the drive. Not with three kids in the back singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of their lungs the entire way to White Plains.
It didn’t matter to me, though. It was nice just having her in the front seat with me.
Every time I’m near Kenna, my body feels energized. At the very same time, however, there’s a sense of calm. Like everything in my life is good.
